Are YOU an unwilling fat shamer?

I see new stories that go viral on practically a daily basis, regarding body shaming. Specifically fat shaming. Reading the comments on such stories, there are some who claim that the shaming is out of "concern" for the fat person's health. Most of the comments, though, are on their face, supportive. The comments always read about how it's a person's insides that matter, not how they look on the outside. That everyone is beautiful. That the people who fat shame are the ones who need help. 

In 2016, plus-size model Tess Holliday had her Facebook account temporarily suspended for posting a photo of her in a bikini. The photo was reported and Facebook determined that the picture violated their "health standards". They later alleged that the suspension was accidental. 

In 2016, Playboy model Dani Mathers took a photo of a 70-year-old woman changing in the women's locker room at a gym, posting it to her Snapchat page with the cruel caption that, “If I can’t unsee this, then you can’t either.” The backlash was immediate and negative. Mathers, of course, apologized and claimed she meant "no harm". She had her gym membership revoked and was eventually charged with violation of privacy laws. 

Earlier this year, body builder and Instagram celebrity Diana Andrews snapped a pic of a woman on a treadmill, posted it to her IG, Facebook and Snapchat accounts and made comments about how the woman ordered burgers for delivery. Her followers were shocked and angry for this woman body shaming someone at a gym working out. Ms. Andrews, of course, apologized. 

Just a few weeks ago, a woman was sitting outside a Dairy Queen in Illinois, enjoying a cone on Free Cone Day. A car full of men stopped in the middle of the road, rolled down the window to scream "Eat that ice cream you fat bitch!" at her. She posted a video to her Facebook page, calling out bullies. There was an outpouring of kindness and support from most, though there were some mean comments too. 

I could go on and on and on and on with examples of body shaming and fat shaming. But each one is the same as the last and the next. People who advocate for body acceptance and self love, no matter one's size, are attacked for "promoting" an unhealthy lifestyle. People "care". They don't want to see us fatties succumb to diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc. They roll out their statistics about how much our unhealthy choices cost society by way of health care expenses, missed work, etc. 

Don't get me wrong... I have been overweight my entire life. I grew up with the kids at school chanting "Fatty fatty 2 by 4, can't fit through the kitchen door. Fatty fatty 2 by 8, can't fit through the garden gate." Kids pretending that every step I took caused an earthquake. As I approached puberty, my doctor telling me what a pretty face I had but that no boys would like me if I was fat. As a high school freshman, in Home Ec class, everyone had to make a piece of clothing and then put on a "fashion show" to show off our creations. I heard every single laugh as I stepped out on the stage. 

School was where I learned to hide my eating. You see, it didn't matter what I ate or how much or how little I ate or how often, because I was fat I was never supposed to eat. So I learned to eat in the shadows. It's where my binging started. I would eat as little as possible in public. And then when I was alone, I would shovel as much food into my face as I could. And I hated myself more and more with each bite. But I still kept taking bite after bite.  

So as an adult, when I read these stories that go viral, I immediately feel almost as if the bullying was happening to me. Because it has happened. And I feel so protective of the women it's actually happening to. Because I never really had anyone stick up for me. I felt... feel... so alone most of the time. I don't want these women to feel the way I do. And when I read the supportive comments, I am grateful for them. I really am. But I have to wonder if those people are really sincere. 

You see, it's easy to say the right things in those moments, especially when you're saying them from the safety of your keyboard. But how many of those people who profess their support actually walk the walk? When you are hanging out with your friends and a fat person comes by, and someone in your circle cracks a fat joke, do you laugh? If you have a fat friend, do you ever try to set them up for a date with one of your other single friends? Hey fellas, when's the last time you dated a fat girl?  Be honest... are YOU an unwilling fat shamer?

See, the truth of the matter is that fat or thin, short or tall, Black or White or other, blond or brunette.... we are all humans. We all have feelings, the need for people in our lives. We want love and intimacy as much as anyone else. So before you talk the talk, and tell me the words that yes, I desperately want to hear, that my being fat doesn't mean a thing, be prepared to walk the walk.