Spitting on Black History

I don't know if I'm necessarily "allowed" to have ask the (forthcoming) question or not. After all, this is a "black" issue and I'm a white girl. And when white folks are brought into the discussion... well, it's usually not a good thing. What's the issue? The N word.

Me, myself? I hate the word and everything it means. I don't care if it's pronounced with an "er" at the end of it, or an "a". I don't care what color the person is who says it... although to be fair, I won't admonish a black person for saying it because, quite honestly, I don't believe a white person can tell a black person not to say it. Let's be real about that. I wish I had a superpower that would allow me to eradicate it from everyone's vocabulary. Whatever context it's ever used in, there are better alternatives available.

The word is always at or near the forefront of conversation. But it seems to me, over the last several months, it's simply everywhere. It's a part of the conversation in entertainment, thanks to movies like The Butler, Fruitvale Station, and 12 Years a Slave. It's a part of the conversation in sports, thanks to Matt Barnes' recent tweet using the "a" version of the word, the Richie Incognito/Jonathan Martin fiasco in Miami, Riley Cooper's rant caught on videotape before the 2013-14 season started and the Trent Williams/Roy Ellison incident. And it's always a part of the conversation in police/community relations.

When the use of the N word comes up in conversations, many will say something to the effect that black people use the word all the time, so what's the big deal? And I have already confessed that if a black person uses the word in my presence, I won't say anything. And maybe I really don't have the right to ask this question. But I am going to ask any way... Why do black people use this word?

The word is ugly. It was meant to make slaves feel less than... meant to belittle, marginalize, shame. It was used in hatred. And I understand that when it is spoken by a white person, at a black person, it conjures up a different feeling than when used between black people with each other. I have black friends who use the word... frequently... as a term of endearment. But are you really, really telling me that people cannot think of other endearing words that could be used among friends, family and loved ones?

When you think about what slaves had to endure... the struggle for freedom... the continued struggle for rights and protections that still continue today... when you really think about the ugly, cruel, hateful meaning that word has in this nation... I can't help but think that every time that word is uttered among black folks to and at each other, that is spitting on the legacy and struggles of the ones who had to fight and bleed and die.

Crying Rape?

Ex-NFL player and current on-air personality at NFL Network, Darren Sharper has been arrested for two incidents of sexual assault in Los Angeles in October 2013 and January 2014.  In addition, he is being investigated for sexual assault that allegedly occurred in New Orleans in September 2013.

There are no details about the women who have made these allegations. But I don’t need to know the details to see some concerns. The accused is a black man, a professional athlete with some money and fame. He has a public life, a good looking guy, with women everywhere who are more than willing to do whatever it is that gets him off.

But, rape isn’t a crime about sex. It’s a crime about power and privilege. Prisons are filled with sex offenders who, at first glance, are attractive and “good catches”. Often times, these men are used to getting whatever they want, from whoever they want.

I have a friend who is a New Orleans Saints fan. The years that Sharper played there, and still today, she has a little crush on him. Her reaction to the news of the arrest was not a surprise, and is probably quite common. She said, in no uncertain terms, that she will believe this woman was assaulted if she does NOT settle out-of-court for money. Wow.

Anyone who has been assaulted will tell you that reporting the assault and everything afterwards is almost worse than the assault itself. A woman’s sexual history, fashion sense, relationship choices, personality and behaviors (does she drink? ever smoke anything? did she flirt? etc.) are examined over and over and over. HIS past behavior is off limits… hers will be on full display. Rape is one of the hardest, if not the hardest crime to prosecute successfully. Even with DNA evidence, it often boils down to he-said-she-said.

It’s a no-win situation for all parties involved. If they do not prosecute him, it’s inevitable that the accuser(s) file civil actions. When they do, the general public will assume they are liars and they are after the money. If they do prosecute and he’s acquitted, people will still always wonder if he did it. He will always have the allegation of being a rapist hanging over his head. And the accuser(s) will probably file civil actions under these circumstances too. And of course if he’s convicted, he goes to prison, has to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life, and she has to live with the rape for the rest of hers.  Honestly, I will be shocked if there’s an actual trial on the two rape charges in LA, and if anything transpires from the investigation in New Orleans. I predict this will end up in civil court and that there will be settlements reached.

But why believe the women are lying if they settle, and not believe he’s the liar? I mean, if it was me being accused of sexual assault, and I have the money to hire proper legal representation, I am going to court. I am taking the risk that I will lose, but no matter what the outcome of the civil action, I can always stand tall and say “Hey! I didn’t do it, and I went to court to prove it!” By settling, doesn’t he kind of admit that he’d rather pay whatever the settlement is, than have his dirty laundry aired in public? She’s willing to let it all out by bringing the civil action, so him settling… doesn’t that make him the “bad guy” and not her?

Regardless, every false report of a sexual assault makes it just that much harder for the next woman who really is assaulted to report. And while I do not wish for any woman to have been raped, I hope these women are not just “crying rape”.