This is NOT in defense of Kylie... but...

Let me preface this by saying I hate, yes HATE, all things Karkrashian. I block, ignore, gouge my eyes out and pour acid directly into my ear holes to avoid seeing or hearing or knowing anything about everything that has anything to do with that money-grubbing, attention-seeking lot of nothings. 

SO imagine my dismay when this whole Kylie Jenner/Pepsi broo-ha-ha happened and I felt compelled to find out what it was about. And as I read more and more of the indictments of her, I feel that I have to ask the questions. NOT to defend her, NOT to minimize her role in the controversy, NOT to do anything in favor of her. But to clarify some things for myself, to try to understand and learn the WHY. Because while I certainly understand the outrage, hurt, anger of those who are again having their feelings and experiences as a whole marginalized, I have questions. 

First and foremost, let's remember who and what Pepsi is. Remember the Madonna ad that Pepsi released in conjunction with her Like a Prayer video? The one that had her dancing in front of burning crosses and kissing a Black Jesus? Or when Pepsi parlayed the video shoot for the Jacksons' Pepsi commercial when Michael's hair caught on fire? Bad press is better than no press, and when they pull certain stunts, Pepsi is on eeeeeeveryone's lips whether they're Pepsi drinkers or not. 

But I digress. Before I ask my questions, I want to reiterate that this is not a defense of Kylie Jenner. I would soon hack my entire left arm off using those worthless plastic knives you get in those knife-fork-spoon-napkin bundles at fast food joints. Taking HER out of the picture, as a caucasian person, the entire concept of the commercial has me... dumbfounded. What the entire FUCK would make ANYONE think... "Hey! I have the best idea on how to sell more soda. We should pretend that drinking Pepsi can solve the problem that has literally plagued this nation since its inception, and moreover, plagued the entire WORLD since the beginning of time! But especially given the temperature of American society over the past 5-7 years (at least), what with the slew of murders of Black and Brown men and women at the hands of law enforcement that have been caught on tape, and with the erosion of said people's rights to peacefully protest the ongoing assault on their lives (because let's just think about how the 'world' reacted to BLM protests vs. the Women's March the day after 45's inauguration), this is going to be the most super-cool Pepsi ad of aaaaaaaaall time!!" 

As I regrettably watched the +2 minutes of that fuckery, in my mind, there was like a split screen happening. On one side was that drivel, and on the other side were pictures and video of the past, with Black Men and Women (as well as their supporters, but let's be honest, it was the VAST majority, Black Men and Women) having hoses turned on them. Of having boiling hot coffee poured on them for having the audacity to sit at a lunch counter. Of being punched and kicked and having dogs set on them for wanting the same right to use a public restroom or sit on a bench or drink from a water fountain or receive medical care in a life-threatening emergency or go to school or to church or vote. I thought about the march over the bridge in Selma. The burning of buses of Freedom Riders. The burning and bombing of churches where Black folks gathered to praise God and build communities. I thought of Philando Castile being told to produce his ID and being shot dead for obeying the officer's command. Of Trayvon Martin and Sean Bell and Mike Brown and Sandra Bland and Eric Garner and Amadou Diallo and Alton Sterling and Ramarley Graham and Tamir Rice and Laquan McDonald and Akai Gurley and Ezell Ford and Walter Scott and Natasha McKenna and Freddie Gray and Oscar Grant and about 100 more whose names may not come to the tip of my tongue at any given moment but whose lives are just as important, and who are just as dead. I see the coverage of the BLM movement and protests, how people demanding the simple right to live is somehow criminalized but the criminals killing them are lauded as heroes. I see pieces of televised speeches of Martin Luther King Jr. and his dream and his journey to get to that mountaintop. I hear the words of Huey P. Newton and Bobby Seale and Fred Hampton.  

It is not lost on me, and it feels just that-much-more dismissive of everything that I saw and heard on that split screen, that the commercial debuted on April 4th, the anniversary of the day that Martin Luther King, Jr. was so senselessly gunned down. Talk about pissing on the man's grave.  

So yes, I understand the outrage. And I understand why the outrage is directed not only at Pepsi, but at Jenner herself and the whole Karkrashian crew. But I have to ask the questions that come to mind. Would the commercial have been less egregious if the role of Kylie Jenner was, for example, played by Taraji P. Henson? The concept is the same. The dismissal of everything "the struggle" has been and still is, is marginalized. I mean, yes I understand having a white person is... worse I guess, for lack of a better word. But I don't know that Jenner, as deserving of the vitriol being thrown at her, is THE villain here.  

Pepsi, of course, immediately stated that they stood by the ad, only today to admit they missed the mark and have pulled the ad. I guess it depends on what their intent was. I don't buy what they're selling... and that's their Pepsi shit as well as their claim that they didn't mean anything by the ad, and that they were trying to support the movement. I call bullshit. 

I mean come on... let's for the sake of argument say that they were trying to bring people together. That's just sad. Coca Cola has been trying to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony for decades! If your best effort, Pepsi, is to take a decades-old idea of unity and spin it with the complete dismissal of the ongoing struggle for equality and civil rights... WOW! Maybe it's time to just throw in the towel. 

I understand the call for boycotting not only Pepsi but all things Pepsi Co as well as all things Karkrashian. But I already don't buy their products and already live in a mostly-Karkrashian-free world. Thank goodness! 

I said I had questions at the outset, and feel like my rambling has been more about why I understand and agree with the backlash. So let me state the questions outright, and hope that if people feel compelled to opine on them, that they do so understanding that I am asking these questions not from a place where I am defending anyone involved in this fiasco, but because I truly want to know where the lines are drawn. 

Question 1: it's a payday for Jenner. Unless she was the creative behind the commercial, it wasn't her "work". She was handed a script and I am sure a shit-ton of money and was playing a part. In a perfect world, she coulda/shoulda/woulda read the scripts, thought about it for a moment and respectfully declined. But I don't think she's that smart to comprehend the Big Picture and I think all she really sees is the money. But even so, it's a job. Why is it not ok for her to take a job, but when we see Black celebrities take a job that is... questionable... (for example) slinging chicken for BK [Mary J. Blige] or singing at 45's inauguration and there's a backlash against THEM, the defense is that it's for the money and people gotta get that money when and where they can. All these horrible "reality" TV shows where mostly Black women are portrayed as negatively as possible, people watch and support them because it's "get that money!" Why can't Kylie get that money too? 

Question 2: Now that Pepsi has agreed to pull the ad and say they're sorry, will people say "bygones" and go on supporting this company's products? Clamoring for all things Karkrashian? 

Question 3: much of the reaction on social media has been about how this situation shows why "white people" can't be allies to the BLM movement and/or movements in general based on equality. And while I am getting better at taking those kinds of comments in general, and not as a personal attack against me, I still wonder why it seems to be ok to lump "all" white people together and paint us with a wide brush, but those caucasians who say "Black people are..." are wrong? Isn't it wrong for everyone to lump ALL people who share a common trait together? Why is this double standard ok on one side but not the other?  

In the end, whether my questions get answered at all is irrelevant. The truth of this whole situation just further spotlights the fact as a whole, here in the US, we still operate under the belief that a Black life is 3/5ths equivalent to a White life.  And that shit is real. Sad, infuriating, incredibly disheartening, but real.

Are YOU an unwilling fat shamer?

I see new stories that go viral on practically a daily basis, regarding body shaming. Specifically fat shaming. Reading the comments on such stories, there are some who claim that the shaming is out of "concern" for the fat person's health. Most of the comments, though, are on their face, supportive. The comments always read about how it's a person's insides that matter, not how they look on the outside. That everyone is beautiful. That the people who fat shame are the ones who need help. 

In 2016, plus-size model Tess Holliday had her Facebook account temporarily suspended for posting a photo of her in a bikini. The photo was reported and Facebook determined that the picture violated their "health standards". They later alleged that the suspension was accidental. 

In 2016, Playboy model Dani Mathers took a photo of a 70-year-old woman changing in the women's locker room at a gym, posting it to her Snapchat page with the cruel caption that, “If I can’t unsee this, then you can’t either.” The backlash was immediate and negative. Mathers, of course, apologized and claimed she meant "no harm". She had her gym membership revoked and was eventually charged with violation of privacy laws. 

Earlier this year, body builder and Instagram celebrity Diana Andrews snapped a pic of a woman on a treadmill, posted it to her IG, Facebook and Snapchat accounts and made comments about how the woman ordered burgers for delivery. Her followers were shocked and angry for this woman body shaming someone at a gym working out. Ms. Andrews, of course, apologized. 

Just a few weeks ago, a woman was sitting outside a Dairy Queen in Illinois, enjoying a cone on Free Cone Day. A car full of men stopped in the middle of the road, rolled down the window to scream "Eat that ice cream you fat bitch!" at her. She posted a video to her Facebook page, calling out bullies. There was an outpouring of kindness and support from most, though there were some mean comments too. 

I could go on and on and on and on with examples of body shaming and fat shaming. But each one is the same as the last and the next. People who advocate for body acceptance and self love, no matter one's size, are attacked for "promoting" an unhealthy lifestyle. People "care". They don't want to see us fatties succumb to diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc. They roll out their statistics about how much our unhealthy choices cost society by way of health care expenses, missed work, etc. 

Don't get me wrong... I have been overweight my entire life. I grew up with the kids at school chanting "Fatty fatty 2 by 4, can't fit through the kitchen door. Fatty fatty 2 by 8, can't fit through the garden gate." Kids pretending that every step I took caused an earthquake. As I approached puberty, my doctor telling me what a pretty face I had but that no boys would like me if I was fat. As a high school freshman, in Home Ec class, everyone had to make a piece of clothing and then put on a "fashion show" to show off our creations. I heard every single laugh as I stepped out on the stage. 

School was where I learned to hide my eating. You see, it didn't matter what I ate or how much or how little I ate or how often, because I was fat I was never supposed to eat. So I learned to eat in the shadows. It's where my binging started. I would eat as little as possible in public. And then when I was alone, I would shovel as much food into my face as I could. And I hated myself more and more with each bite. But I still kept taking bite after bite.  

So as an adult, when I read these stories that go viral, I immediately feel almost as if the bullying was happening to me. Because it has happened. And I feel so protective of the women it's actually happening to. Because I never really had anyone stick up for me. I felt... feel... so alone most of the time. I don't want these women to feel the way I do. And when I read the supportive comments, I am grateful for them. I really am. But I have to wonder if those people are really sincere. 

You see, it's easy to say the right things in those moments, especially when you're saying them from the safety of your keyboard. But how many of those people who profess their support actually walk the walk? When you are hanging out with your friends and a fat person comes by, and someone in your circle cracks a fat joke, do you laugh? If you have a fat friend, do you ever try to set them up for a date with one of your other single friends? Hey fellas, when's the last time you dated a fat girl?  Be honest... are YOU an unwilling fat shamer?

See, the truth of the matter is that fat or thin, short or tall, Black or White or other, blond or brunette.... we are all humans. We all have feelings, the need for people in our lives. We want love and intimacy as much as anyone else. So before you talk the talk, and tell me the words that yes, I desperately want to hear, that my being fat doesn't mean a thing, be prepared to walk the walk.