So for those of you, who are like me, and don't always appreciate having to click through links, let me recap. On his show, Bill Maher decided to make a case to "bring back" fat shaming because apparently, he feels that the problem is not on those who fat shame but rests solely with the fat. That on top of fat people taking up more than one seat on an airplane or for fat men not being able to see their penises under their bellies, it's unhealthy and maybe if fat people felt a little shame about their fatness, they'd do something about their circumstance.
James Cordon, a man of some heft himself, took on his contemporary's position with quite a bit of grace, some humor (of course) and some honesty. So if you didn't click the link, at some point, I encourage you to give him a listen.
But I am not on TV and don't have to temper my words. So once again, let me give everyone a news flash. Fat shaming doesn't need to make a comeback because it has never gone anywhere. It's been here. While I do agree that in the past few years, there have been the emergence of some personalities who have unapologetically given a big middle finger to fat shamers (Tess Holliday, Anna O'Brien, Jessamyn Stanley, Whitney Way Thore), actual fat shaming has never gone anywhere.
And for the record: please just fucking stop. No one who is fat CHOSE this. And before everyone starts yammering about how we choose the chips and the candy and the pizza and the burgers and the fries over the veggies and the salads and the boneless, skinless grilled chicken breast and (really, let's be honest, what y'all fat shamers and haters think we should choose for every meal), nothing.
And I say that with no apology. Fat or not, everyone deserves to eat, whatever we want, whenever we want. The argument about the unhealthy foods is absolutely true. Anyone who chooses to "live" on a diet comprised of fried foods, junk food, and sugar will be unhealthy. But the thing is... there are both fat and unfat people who choose to have a shit diet. It is a better lifestyle to be active rather than sedentary but there are fat people who are lazy and unfat people who are lazy.
There are people who exercise religiously, every day or almost every day. And yet they remain fat. And, crazy as it may be, there are people who never step foot in a gym, play a moment on any sports team, jog or run or even walk any more than is absolutely required of them, and yet they maintain an appearance of a thin or at least regular-sized person.
What I am trying to point out is that yet again, we have an asshole (Maher) who is trying to disguise his asshole-ness as concern for fat people. If you really give even half a shit about a fat person, just let them live their lives like anyone else. Because let me share a few truths with you, as a fat person.
- We know we're fat. Every single day when we get out of bed and need to make that extra effort to haul our larger load onto our feet, we're aware. When we pull our clothes out of the closet or out of a desk drawer and shake them open, we see the size and know that we're fat. Every time we look in the mirror or catch our reflection in a window, we see our size and know that we're fat. Every time we get on a plane, or a bus, or a train, or a bench or anywhere that there are seats involved, we see the look of horror on the faces of other people as they realize we're going to sit down. We know. So you telling us that we're fat is not only unnecessary but it's cruel too. We know.
- We are ashamed. Already. Even if we seem to be confident and self-accepting. I promise you that when we're alone away from inquiring eyes, we feel shame. Because we've been told our entire lives that we are fat because we're weak, lazy, inherent failures. That if we tried harder, we'd eat less and exercise more that we'd be thin. And many of us start down a downward spiral of more shame. Because, like anyone who's feeling weak or ashamed or like a failure, we need to feel support and compassion. And we don't feel safe asking another person for that because instead of offering us compassion or support, you pass judgment. So we turn to things like ice cream, cake, cookies, chocolate. And then we feel more shame for being too weak and for turning to food for comfort. And so the vicious cycle continues on and on and on.
- We are also aware... of everything and everyone when there is anyone around. Even family and friends. We're aware of the eyes on us, watching our every move. We're aware of when it might take two efforts to get up off of a low-seating chair. Or of every bite of food that goes into our mouths. I mean it would be ridiculous for anyone to never eat anything, but we see you watching to see what we are eating, how big of a bite we take, how much we eat, are we eating too fast? We often feel like we have to hide away to eat, which in turn may prompt us to make poor food choices, over eat, etc.
I'm not asking for anyone's pity. But if you feel the need to go out of your way to shame me for simply existing... fuck you.
