Shame on... who?

My blog is just a little blog, and it's really just for me. This post is too... but they all serve a purpose. It allows me to get my feelings out about things, big and small, important and mundane. Whatever happens to be on my mind at the time. THIS blog though is kind of cutting edge for me. See, I am a private person. Whereas I am more than happy to share my opinions, I rarely give a glimpse into my personal life.

This blog, or at least the intention to write it, was born when I saw a story reported by TMZ (http://www.tmz.com/2016/07/14/dani-mathers-gym-pic-photo-police-report/) about a Playboy playmate Dani Mathers who was at her gym and sneakily took a photo of a “fat” woman naked, posted it on her Snapchat account with the caption “If I can't unsee this, neither can you”. Of course, this went viral and people said all the right things, felt all of the politically correct outrage and called Ms. Mathers on the carpet. She, naturally, apologized, stated she never intended to post the pic publicly and that it was all a mistake. She became a playmate because she loves the female body and she regrets shaming this unnamed woman.

As a fellow-fatty, I am, of course, appalled and I hurt for this woman. But I have to be honest. I have been out and about... IN PUBLIC... and have witnessed people wearing things that I thought were inappropriate. I have covered my eyes in horror at some of what I've seen. I have judged and said cruel things about people who I don't know and their appearance. And I am ashamed of that. And while I continue to work on myself and strive to reserve judgment (more to come on that subject), I can at least say that when I did what I did, I was in public. I didn't sneak into a place where a person has the right to assume a certain level of privacy and invade it. Ms. Mathers overstepped every line imaginable.

I mentioned that I continue to work on myself and am striving to reserve judgment on other people. Especially people who are “big”, and super-especially when they are trying to improve themselves. You see, they don't need ME judging them. Trust me when I say that they judge themselves more harshly than anyone else can even imagine. We are harder on ourselves than you can ever know. I remember once I was out shopping with my sister, looking at clothes, and actually saying out loud that I don't deserve new clothes because I am too fat. Every time, and I mean every time, anyone's ever given me a compliment of any kind, I say thank you but tell myself that it's not true... they're just being nice. Or even worse, if someone says I look nice, in my head, I tell myself that they're being sarcastic and that I actually look awful. No matter what I wear, I look in the mirror and I see a fat woman and the voice in my head tells me that I look, and am, fat and ugly. It's always fat AND ugly.

I've been to the gym and seen and heard people point and talk about me and/or some other overweight person working out. Whether it's a fancy expensive gym or Planet Fitness, if you had any idea the effort it takes just to walk in, knowing what people will think and say.

Thankfully, I know I don't speak for every overweight person out there. There are more and more plus size ladies (and I am sure there's some gentlemen out there too!) that love themselves as is. They are the body-positive folks who are trying to help all of us by showing us that beauty is not defined by size. And God bless them for it. Some of us are still catching up, but Lord knows that these folks are beyond appreciated!

But back to Ms. Mathers. The thing is, the woman that she so cruelly photographed and exposed isn't even “that” big! Ms. Mathers is the reason why we have so many body image issues. She says it was a mistake. How do you accidentally SNEAK taking a picture, accidentally caption it, and post it for the world to see? Even if I give her the benefit of the doubt, which she has not earned, and say that I believe she didn't intend to post the picture to her Snapchat account, she certainly intended to share it with a friend or friends, who are equally as shallow and heartless. No, this is no accident and if she regrets anything, it's being exposed as a cunty bitch.

Her intention was to secretly shame this woman for what... being bigger than Ms. Mathers is? Being bigger than Ms. Mathers thinks she should be? For being naked in the locker room of the gym and not cowering in a dressing room somewhere hiding her body? Certainly she shouldn't be ashamed for working out and trying to be the best version of herself that she can be! No, if you ask me, Dani Mathers should be ashamed of herself. She's the one that is sickening. She's the one who's hateful behavior can't be unseen.  

Alton Sterling and Philando Castile: Their Lives Mattered

In the last 2 days, 2 more Black Men have been killed by police, leaving behind women to mourn them and raise their children alone.

In Baton Rouge, LA, we have #AltonSterling. A 37 year old man, father to five children, selling bootleg CDs outside a convenience store (with the store owner's permission). To hear the police tell the story, a concerned citizen called the police to report Sterling had a firearm and was scaring people. The police arrive, slam Sterling into a vehicle, tackle him to the ground, and pump 6 shots into him. There are some of the most graphic videos of the incident I've ever seen, showing clearly as the life drained out of this man. Some of his last words? “What did I do wrong?”, “What's going on?” and “Why are you messing with me?”. And then 6 shots. His body in spasms as his life drains out of him.

To hear the store owner, Abdullah Muflahi, tell his side of the story, these police murdered Mr. Sterling. Mr. Muflahi says he'd known Alton for 5 or 6 years, never saw him fight or even argue with anyone, always smiling, always joking.

Those who still refuse to believe that police are killing Black men and women will say the following things in defense of these 2 killer cops: (1) Sterling was armed so this is not a case of police using excessive force unjustly. They feared for their lives; (2) Sterling has a criminal record and was a registered sex offender; (3) he was resisting arrest. Let's take a look at these arguments, shall we?

1. Sterling was armed. True. He had a gun on him. Louisiana is a state where gun ownership is allowed. A citizen can open carry a firearm without a license; or can obtain a license for concealed carry. Now, Alton Sterling does have a criminal record (more on that below), so he would not have been allowed to legally carry a gun. Reports are that he carried it for protection. Regardless, possession of the firearm may have been cause for these police officers to arrest Alton. It was not a reason to murder him. Alton did not grab for his gun, wave it at or near the officers, or in any way threaten the officers with the gun. They (the cops) took the gun FROM ALTON'S POCKET, after they had murdered him. Since Alton's gun was not brandished, there was absolutely no need for lethal force to be used.
2. Alton Sterling had a criminal record. So what. As brilliantly pointed out by Larry Wilmore on Comedy Central's The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, so does Martha Stewart. So do Matthew Broderick, Tim Allen, Bill Gates, Khloe Kardashian, Kiefer Sutherland, Matthew McConaughey, Chance Crawford, and Woody Harrelson. I'm pretty sure that's not an inclusive list of white celebrities who've run afoul of the law. What does that have to do with police killing Black men? The exact same thing that Alton Sterling's criminal record: NOTHING. But people want to talk about it? Let's talk about it. Sterling was arrested on what's basically a statutory rape charge. He was over the age of 18 when he impregnated his then under-age girlfriend. By the way, he was raising the product of that illegal encounter with the other person involved in that illegal counter. Yup, both of them are... excuse me, were parenting that child. It's up to Mom to finish the parenting job now. He had other offenses as well... other altercations with police, weapons charges, etc. Last time I checked, though, none of his offenses carried the death penalty and even if they did, I believe he needed to be tried and convicted by a jury of his peers, and that said jury would need to deliver the order of capital punishment. To the best of my knowledge, police have not been tasked with assuming the roles of judge, jury and executioner.
3. He was resisting. Or was he? Police came up on him, got physical with him. Was he resisting or just reacting the way anyone would who was being strong armed?

Let's look at a different situation that happened in Raleigh, NC. A white male, William Bruce Ray, was standing near an intersection with shotgun, pointing it at cars driving by. Authorities were called and a Deputy arrived on the scene. The Deputy approached Ray, and was able to wrestle the shotgun away from him... at which point Ray drew a handgun and fired a shot at the Deputy. The shot missed, thankfully, and the Deputy apprehended Ray and took him into custody.

Do you really need me to explain why #BlackLivesMatter?

So let's go back to Mr. Sterling's story, and his five babies. His oldest, a 15 year old son, standing with his mother, trying to support her as she reads her statement to the press. Still a boy, still a child, thrust into the role of being the Man of the House. Breaking down in tears and grief, crying out for his daddy. And the younger babies, too young to understand why their daddy didn't come home and is never coming home again.

And then the next day, and I mean the very next day, there was the murder of #PhilandoCastile. Another Black man, dead at the hands of police. Bullet holes riddling his body, causing his blood and life to drain out of him. In front of his fiance. In front of their 4 year old daughter.

Minnesota... a state where it is LEGAL to carry a concealed weapon. Diamond Reynolds was driving her car with Philando in the passenger's seat. She's pulled over by the police for a broken tail light. Philando does all the right things, the things white folk say if Black folk would do, they wouldn't have trouble with the police. He tells the police that he has a licensed firearm in the glove box of the car. The police order him to produce identification. He informs them that he's reaching into his pocket to retrieve the identification they just ordered him to produce. Bang bang. Bang bang. Four bullets pumped into him. Dead. In front of his fiance. In front of their 4 year old daughter. And because Diamond recorded the incident and streamed it live, he died in front of the world.

Ok, so let's review the usual arguments that people want to use to justify police murder:

1. Philando was armed. Yes he was. In a state where it's allowed. In a state where he was licensed to be armed. He did not have the gun in his hand, he was not reaching for the gun. There was no danger to the officers' lives. Next!
2. He has a criminal record. Except wait... he doesn't. He had been stopped for minor traffic violations in his life (but then, who hasn't?) but he has no felony convictions. But again, the fact that this is even part of the discussion is asinine.
3. He shouldn't have resisted. Except he wasn't. He was COMPLYING with the officers' instructions. And he was shot anyway.

There. Is. No. Justification. No. Rationale. No. Reason. For. This. Man. To. Be. Dead. Unless, of course, you're FINALLY willing to admit out loud that in this country, Being Black is a capital crime.

In the wise and heart wrenching words of Jesse Williams:

… Now, what we’ve been doing is looking at the data and we know that police somehow manage to deescalate, disarm and not kill white people everyday. So what’s going to happen is we are going to have equal rights and justice in our own country or we will restructure their function and ours.

Now… I got more y’all – yesterday would have been young Tamir Rice’s 14th birthday so I don’t want to hear anymore about how far we’ve come when paid public servants can pull a drive-by on 12 year old playing alone in the park in broad daylight, killing him on television and then going home to make a sandwich. Tell Rekia Boyd how it’s so much better than it is to live in 2012 than it is to live in 1612 or 1712. Tell that to Eric Garner. Tell that to Sandra Bland. Tell that to Dorian Hunt...

We now have to tell that to Alton Sterling, and to Philando Castile. And the list keeps growing.

I have honestly had this conversation so many times, with friends, family and strangers, with Black folks and White folks and everyone in between. I had a minor Twitter war with Montel Williams because I had the audacity to check his daughter (I didn't know it was his daughter, but she was one who tried to diminish #BlackLivesMatter by saying “BlueLivesMatter and #AllLivesMatter). But here we go again...

NO ONE is saying #ONLYBlackLivesMatter or that #BlackLivesMatterMore. See, we already know that Blue lives matter. When a cop is killed in the line of duty, the community comes together to condemn the action. The city, wherever it happens, is in mourning. The cops at whatever precinct the fallen officer works at, as well as cops from surrounding precincts and their families come together to make sure that the fallen officer's family is taken care of. Collections are taken up to pay off the mortgage so that's not hanging over the widow or widower's head. Trusts are set up to pay for their children's education. They surround the family and adopt them, making sure they are not left to fend for themselves.

We know White lives matter because for hundreds of years, everything has been established to honor white lives. It took a Civil War to finally allow a Black man to be counted as a person. It took another civil war, the Civil Rights movement, where more Blacks lost their lives trying to obtain the rights they were promised with the idea of Freedom. If you aren't sure that we know white lives matter, take a look at Brock Turner. Look at Curt Johnson. Look at Ben Roethlesberger. Look at the prisons nationwide, where Black and Brown bodies fill up jail cells on drug charges, but the government and white businessmen who actually run the drugs sit in their mansions, sipping on champagne.

See, we KNOW Blue lives and White lives matter. But where's the proof that we as a society recognize the value of a Black life? THAT is why we have to say it. Speak it to the world. Because not enough people know it.

You see, when the press ran with the story of what happened in Baton Rouge on Tuesday, they could have chosen a photo of Mr. Sterling smiling, with his wife and their children. Instead, they pulled his mug shot from over 15 years prior. His life MATTERED.