Why all the indignation over Thanksgiving shopping?

For many years now, some retail stores have advertised special, pre-Black Friday sales on Thanksgiving Day. I remember getting up early and hitting some of those sales before getting home and settling in for a day of food and football. Back then, the stores were only open until early afternoon, so that employees could go home for Thanksgiving dinner, too. These days, though, stores are open all day into the evening.

Over the last few years, it’s been a war between these retail stores and those family-loving folks who are indignant over retail workers being forced to work instead of spending the day with their families. From the stores’ position, Thanksgiving Day has become one of the most popular shopping days of the year. After all, this is a capitalist economy and profit is the only thing that matters. Except to the folks who are adamant that the day should be about family only. That is what the day’s all about anyway… isn’t it?

WRONG. Let’s be honest. Thanksgiving is a made up, let’s-create-a-reason-to-gorge-ourselves-with-food-and-not-go-to-work-holiday. There was no coming together in peace for the Pilgrims and the Indians. We came, we took, we conquered, and we destroyed. That is worth celebrating? No… it sure is not. Thanksgiving ranks right up there with Columbus Day as one of the most perverted, insensitive, downright ridiculous holidays. But I digress…

According to the United States Department of Labor Bureau of Labor Statistics (http://www.bls.gov/ooh/sales/retail-sales-workers.htm), in 2012, retail workers numbered over 4.6 million and earned on average barely over $20K per year. Many work part time, with few benefits. These are hard-working people, proud and strong, trying to create a life for themselves and their families. And while that, in and of itself, might lead one to think that the stores should close and give them some well-deserved time at home with their families, it’s just not that easy.

Working on Thanksgiving, a nationally-recognized paid holiday, means that those who are working receive their normal wage plus holiday pay. If they happen to be one of the lucky full time employees, it means double time. I can personally attest that in my younger years, I always volunteered to work not only on Thanksgiving, but every paid holiday possible. Why? Because I was making minimum wage and trying to survive. Working on a paid holiday meant not only extra money on my paycheck, but employers would often provide a free lunch for employees who worked that day (another savings to me) or provide other bonuses or incentives. Judge me if you will, but that money and those other incentives mattered.

And what about those people who don’t have families or simply aren’t close to their family? I live thousands of miles away from any of my family. For the first time in seven years, I’m actually going home for Thanksgiving this year. NOT because it’s so important for me to be with family on this specific day of the year, though. I’m going because I found a cheap flight and I don’t have to use any vacation time from work. But in years past, being away from my family was tough for me not because I wasn’t hanging out with family, but because everyone else around me treated me like some kind of pathetic nomad because of it.

But let’s get to the real truth. If you need to circle a specific day on the calendar in order to make time for your family, then that’s on you. And that’s not meant to be judgmental. If spending the day with your family is important, then please do that. Do whatever it is that is right for you. Stay out of the stores. I have no problem with that. Or shop if you want. That’s ok too.

However, if you’re someone who believes that the day is meant to be with your family, and if you feel personally affronted that other people are working their retail jobs… please do not go out to a restaurant for Thanksgiving brunch/lunch/dinner. Do not go out to the movies or to a jazz club or a bar. Please do not make that last-minute run to the supermarket because you forgot whatever it was that you forgot. Don’t call a cab to get anywhere. ALL of those people have families too. 

I deserve!

I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I don't think I've ever been the normal size for a girl my age. I was shopping for school clothes in the Women's section when I was maybe 10 years old. Back then, fashion options for plus size women was awful. It was either all black, or the clothes had these big, splashy flower prints. It was so clear to the world, by what I wore, that I wasn't shopping in the same stores. As I grew older, there was some "progress" in the clothes that were available but I still never wore anything that was trendy for pre-teens and teenagers because those clothes just weren't available in my size.

So like most of my brothers and sisters who have struggled with their weight, I have been on diets my entire life. Some have been more successful than others, but any such success was short-lived at best. No matter how much weight I may have lost during any such efforts, I always gained it back. Whatever I lost and then some.

So, when I was trying to lose the weight, people would be supportive and encouraging. Even when I didn't feel any differently, when my clothes still fit the same way, they would be kind and tell me how good I was looking, and how I should keep it up. But for various reasons, I didn't. I stopped watching what I ate, sat around being inactive, and all the lost weight was found. Not once, when that was happening, did anyone ever take a moment to ask me what was happening that made me stop trying to get healthy and revert to bad behavior. I mean, obviously people who cared about me wouldn't humiliate me by saying something cruel like "Hey chubbo, I see you're plumping up again!" but certainly they could see the weight coming back on! Couldn't anyone pull me to the side and ask why I was throwing all of my hard work away? Why was I punishing myself with overeating again, and eating all the wrong food? Why did I feel the need to receive love and acceptance from ice cream, pizza, Doritos and chocolate instead of receiving affection from the people who were around me?

But we are not a society that knows how to constructively confront uncomfortable truths. We don't know how to receive concern. We want, perhaps even need, the perception of perfection that the recognition of imperfection sends us spiraling into self-hate, self-abuse, and negativity. The self-awareness that my success had been surrendered did not prompt me to stop the cycle and return to better care for myself. Instead, I punished myself by eating more and moving less, gaining back all the lost weight plus. I stopped believing that I deserved love, health, acceptance and happiness.

And now, well into my 40s, I am finally realizing that despite all the failed attempts, mistakes and bad decisions, I most definitely deserve all these things and more. It may take the rest of my days, and I may stumble and fall countless times along the way, but I will never stop trying to find all the positive things in this life that we ALL deserve.