No rape? No winners.

On January 7, 2016, an absolutely horrific story hit the wire. An 18 year old girl was gang raped by five teenagers in a Brownsville (Brooklyn) playground. Some initial reports indicated she was walking near the playground with a male friend. It turned out that the man she was with was her father. The five boys accused of the crime had a gun and threatened him. The man ran to a nearby store begging for help, but no one assisted. By the time he was able to call the police, the woman had been gang raped repeatedly, and all five boys had fled the scene.

Everyone reacted immediately. Two of the suspects' parents were the ones who turned their sons in. Eventually all five suspects were identified by the press: their names and photos were circulated widely, despite the fact that all five of the suspects were minors, ranging in age from 14 to 17. They were arrested and charged as adults.

The immediate reaction was understandable. People were shocked and outraged at the brutal nature of the reported crimes. Everyone from Mayor Bill de Blasio to Commissioner Bill Bratton to local community leaders to Twitter and Facebook erupted. Most of the reaction was in support of the girl who had been attacked, and how these kinds of attacks must be prevented.

I, myself, remember reacting to the story. I too was horrified at the brutality of the attack. But I also believe that people are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty. I remember well a similar situation many years ago when five teenagers were accused of gang raping a woman in Central Park. They were coerced and tricked into confessing and rushed through legal proceedings. They too, despite their ages, were tried as adults and convicted. And they were innocent. Known collectively as the Central Park Five, they are a tragic example of what happens when “we” jump to conclusions and rush to judgment.

Over the next couple of weeks, additional details were quietly coming out. The girl and her father weren't walking near the playground as originally reported. They were actually (allegedly) having sex when the five teens approached them. The father left, and the girl consented to sex with all five boys. The girl allegedly recanted her story of being raped. Despite the report of a gun, the police were unable to find a gun on any of the suspects or in their homes. There was allegedly video taken with a cell phone, showing the girl with the suspects before the alleged attack, as well as showing her having consensual sex with all five boys.

Today, the Brooklyn District Attorney announced that all charges have been dropped against all five boys. Rationale for the action included a lack of evidence, the girl's recantation of the allegations of forced sexual contact and her refusal to cooperate with the investigation. In addition, an investigation into the alleged sexual contact with her father was dropped because she refused cooperation with police in that matter, too. Defense attorneys, of course, retain that charges were dropped because their clients are INNOCENT, not because of a lack of evidence and lack of a participating complainant. https://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20160224/brownsville/rape-charges-dropped-against-5-teens-accused-of-attack-brownsville-park

No one “wins” here. These five boys escaped the fate of the Central Park Five boys. They didn't have to serve a single day of a prison sentence. They did not have to register on any sex offender list. But they aren't unscathed either. Their names and faces are now associated with a heinous sex attack allegation. For the rest of their lives, when their names are typed into a Google search, THIS will come up. At 14, 15 and 17 years of age, when they apply for college or a job or an apartment, THIS will come up. This can follow them for the rest. of. their. Lives.

The girl who was allegedly attacked doesn't win. Whether her behavior was consensual or not, she was most definitely sexually abused. Sex with her father? That was absolutely abuse! I can't help but wonder when it started... Which adult in her life, who was supposed to take care of her, put her on this path of abuse? How much abuse had she already endured that she would have sex with her father, and then let these five boys line up to take turns? How much more abuse will she endure before she hits rock bottom? Because no matter what may happen in the future, with or without her consent, she has a label attached to her.

And women who are sexually assaulted might be the biggest losers of all. As it is, even under the best of circumstances (if you can call them that), when a woman says that she was sexually assaulted, there are a lot of people who roll their eyes and dismiss her allegation as a lie. They will say that she had sex with her attacker, and then either changed her mind or he didn't call her and now she's “crying rape”. She will have every aspect of her life looked at under a microscope. How does she dress? How many dates does she go on? How many men has she been intimate with... ever? In her whole life? That many? My God, what a whore! Did she have any alcohol? Was she dancing provocatively with him? Flirting? Did she really say no?

Every single time a sexual assault is alleged, when no such attack took place, it makes it that much harder for the next woman who is actually assaulted to come forward. It gives people that much more “reason” to question the next woman who says she was forced. To not believe her. To assume she's lying. To side against her.

I am relieved that if these young men did not force this girl to engage in sexual activity, that they will not suffer the same fate as the Central Park Five and any other man who has been falsely accused and convicted of sexual assault. But there are no winners here. 

10 Reasons Not To Leave New York City, Debunked!

I love NYC. I really love NYC. Even on the days when I hate it, I love it. I love it so much that after spending all of 5 days here in 2007, I immediately went home to Green Bay, pounded the virtual pavement until I found a job, put in my notice at work and to my landlord, packed 2 suitcases, bought a laptop and moved here. I didn’t know a soul. I relied on craigslist to find housing. It was sink or swim, and I was bound and determined to swim. And 8 years later, I’m still here.

But I gotta be real… there are days when I think I’ve had enough, and give serious consideration to leaving this bedlam that people think is actually "reality". Especially when I read these ridiculous lists of why no one in NYC ever needs to go anywhere, ever (http://www.timeout.com/newyork/blog/ten-reasons-not-to-leave-new-york-ever). For every BS reason you have to stay, I can give you reasons to go.

1. You’ll need a car
Not necessarily. NYC is not the ONLY city in the US, let alone the world, with functional public transportation. And speaking of functional, when is the last time anyone had a full day of commuting and running errands where there weren’t service disruptions, delays and outright fuckery, courtesy of the MTA?  

2. Bagels will be severely disappointing
As with pizza, REAL bagels are getting harder and harder to find, depending where you live and/or work. People say they’ll pay more for a good slice or a great bagel, but if it’s more than $1 or 2 (for just the bagel), they are griping about it. As a result, most of the bodegas have resorted to a smaller, crappier, cardboard-tasting bagel wanna-be, that is equivalent to the Lender's bagel you can get in the freezer aisle at most supermarkets... anywhere.

3. 24-hour food to your doorstep
Again, you’re talking about a very limited piece of geography within Manhattan. If you’re living in the Bronx or further out in Brooklyn (which you might be if you want to be able to actually afford rent), you’ll be lucky to have a handful of options on Seamless, and even those options are typically crappy Chinese food or crappy pizza places. One might think that a more lean offering for food delivery would prompt you to stay home and cook. The only thing is, is that Peapod grocery delivery service, nor Fresh Direct, will deliver to you. The selection for supermarkets in these areas is awful at best. Good luck finding decent fresh meat and produce. In MOST areas, if you want good food, you’re gonna need to get dressed and go get it and if you want decent groceries, you're going to need to travel to get that as well.

4. The summer
If you like stifling hot and disgustingly humid, yeah, you will love summer. But there’s even more people jammed into the City with tourists, huge concert events/festivals, etc. All the cars and traffic (because despite “not needing a car” according to #1, there’s millions of cars and trucks and buses everywhere all the time). Motorcycle clubs galore go revving up and down streets at all hours of the day and night. And who can forget the stench of rotting garbage every single day, no matter where you go.

5. Your dating pool will shrink dramatically
Here’s a newsflash: yes there’s millions of people in NYC but they are the same kind of people you find anywhere, only worse. If you’re someone who’s of the belief that the Man should “take care of things” (i.e., pay for everything on dates plus help the woman with her rent or utilities or groceries or whatever), good luck. The number of men who can actually afford that shit is very small and really picky about who they’ll date (you better be, or look like you could be, a model). If you’re more independent and don’t have a problem picking up the tab (from time to time), get ready to be a Sugar Mama because dudes get used to that mad quick. Dating will turn into either chilling at your place or you footing the bill if you want to go out. That’s not to say there aren’t successful dating experiences. But with the bigger pool of possibilities comes the reality of having to wade through more shit to find what you’re looking for. And still having a very real possibility of “settling” because the search has exhausted you.

6. All the entertainment you could ever want
Ok, so this one is really on point. I can’t lie, and don’t even what to. THIS is, in all honesty, what probably still keeps me from washing my hands of NYC and moving on. It doesn’t matter what you find entertaining, NYC has it. Every day. Without fail. All you have to do is go. The problem? Of course, it’s the price tag. After paying rent and bills and making sure you have food and toilet paper, there’s usually not a lot left to relegate to your entertainment fund. So even though there’s a zillion (literally) things you’ll want to do, you very likely won’t be able to afford to do them. So although this is totally true…. in the end, it’s more of a tease since the entertainment options are there and you can’t take advantage.

7. You’ll actually have to plan how you’ll get home from a night out
Please. Uber and Lyft has made transportation extremely accessible. And unless you’re in Mayberry, you can always call a cab. You will have to call, though, because most cities do not pick of fares off the street. PLUS, let’s go back to #1. Everyone has a car. And as I am aging, going out and getting hammered isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. A lot of bars will let a Designated Driver drink non-alcoholic beverages at no cost, which in my circles, means there’s a fight to be the DD.  Getting home? No problem.

8. The job market might be cutthroat here, but at least there are options
Where? You are mostly as trapped here as you are anywhere. Why? Because no one is looking to take a pay cut… ever. Hate your industry and want to reinvent yourself? You can ABSOLUTELY do that here. But, at least in the short term, that’s going to mean taking a pay cut from whatever you’re doing now. If you have rent, or kids, or both, that’s not always possible.

9. The food just won’t taste as good
Such bullshit. Yes, there are a lot of great dining options here. All the famous chefs want to add NYC as a notch on their belts. But let’s again be honest. The average Joe (or Jane) can’t afford $500 on a dinner, on a regular basis. And even if we could, to think that there are not some really fantastic, exciting and delicious culinary offerings all over the country, all over the world is just closed-minded idiocy.

10. Zombies!
Um… yeah. Try walking through Times Square or Grand Central or Central Park or 5^th Ave or any host of areas and you will find that you have to weave your way through an obstacle course of zombies who are completely oblivious to anything other than their phone/tablet/gaming device.

With all that said, let someone come up with a list of 10 reasons to leave NYC and never return, and I will shred that list too. At the end of the day, NYC is like that boyfriend (or girlfriend) that you love and hate all at the same time. GOD, you want to break up, once and for all, and kick that bum to the curb. And just when you have your boots on and you’re ready to do it, something happens and you fall in love all over again. Ahhhh, New York City... where love and hate collide.