Shame on... who?

My blog is just a little blog, and it's really just for me. This post is too... but they all serve a purpose. It allows me to get my feelings out about things, big and small, important and mundane. Whatever happens to be on my mind at the time. THIS blog though is kind of cutting edge for me. See, I am a private person. Whereas I am more than happy to share my opinions, I rarely give a glimpse into my personal life.

This blog, or at least the intention to write it, was born when I saw a story reported by TMZ (http://www.tmz.com/2016/07/14/dani-mathers-gym-pic-photo-police-report/) about a Playboy playmate Dani Mathers who was at her gym and sneakily took a photo of a “fat” woman naked, posted it on her Snapchat account with the caption “If I can't unsee this, neither can you”. Of course, this went viral and people said all the right things, felt all of the politically correct outrage and called Ms. Mathers on the carpet. She, naturally, apologized, stated she never intended to post the pic publicly and that it was all a mistake. She became a playmate because she loves the female body and she regrets shaming this unnamed woman.

As a fellow-fatty, I am, of course, appalled and I hurt for this woman. But I have to be honest. I have been out and about... IN PUBLIC... and have witnessed people wearing things that I thought were inappropriate. I have covered my eyes in horror at some of what I've seen. I have judged and said cruel things about people who I don't know and their appearance. And I am ashamed of that. And while I continue to work on myself and strive to reserve judgment (more to come on that subject), I can at least say that when I did what I did, I was in public. I didn't sneak into a place where a person has the right to assume a certain level of privacy and invade it. Ms. Mathers overstepped every line imaginable.

I mentioned that I continue to work on myself and am striving to reserve judgment on other people. Especially people who are “big”, and super-especially when they are trying to improve themselves. You see, they don't need ME judging them. Trust me when I say that they judge themselves more harshly than anyone else can even imagine. We are harder on ourselves than you can ever know. I remember once I was out shopping with my sister, looking at clothes, and actually saying out loud that I don't deserve new clothes because I am too fat. Every time, and I mean every time, anyone's ever given me a compliment of any kind, I say thank you but tell myself that it's not true... they're just being nice. Or even worse, if someone says I look nice, in my head, I tell myself that they're being sarcastic and that I actually look awful. No matter what I wear, I look in the mirror and I see a fat woman and the voice in my head tells me that I look, and am, fat and ugly. It's always fat AND ugly.

I've been to the gym and seen and heard people point and talk about me and/or some other overweight person working out. Whether it's a fancy expensive gym or Planet Fitness, if you had any idea the effort it takes just to walk in, knowing what people will think and say.

Thankfully, I know I don't speak for every overweight person out there. There are more and more plus size ladies (and I am sure there's some gentlemen out there too!) that love themselves as is. They are the body-positive folks who are trying to help all of us by showing us that beauty is not defined by size. And God bless them for it. Some of us are still catching up, but Lord knows that these folks are beyond appreciated!

But back to Ms. Mathers. The thing is, the woman that she so cruelly photographed and exposed isn't even “that” big! Ms. Mathers is the reason why we have so many body image issues. She says it was a mistake. How do you accidentally SNEAK taking a picture, accidentally caption it, and post it for the world to see? Even if I give her the benefit of the doubt, which she has not earned, and say that I believe she didn't intend to post the picture to her Snapchat account, she certainly intended to share it with a friend or friends, who are equally as shallow and heartless. No, this is no accident and if she regrets anything, it's being exposed as a cunty bitch.

Her intention was to secretly shame this woman for what... being bigger than Ms. Mathers is? Being bigger than Ms. Mathers thinks she should be? For being naked in the locker room of the gym and not cowering in a dressing room somewhere hiding her body? Certainly she shouldn't be ashamed for working out and trying to be the best version of herself that she can be! No, if you ask me, Dani Mathers should be ashamed of herself. She's the one that is sickening. She's the one who's hateful behavior can't be unseen.