It can happen to YOU too!

So a few weeks ago, I got into a debate with a very good friend of mine, who happens to be a gay man, over police brutality, the Black Lives Matter movement, and my position of being on the side of the people. I listened closely to his argument that this is an increasingly fucked up world. Police are on the front lines, not knowing what kind of situation they’re walking into and that we the people need to be more aware of that. We the people need to not do anything that would make the police concerned for their, and others around them, lives. He argued that hindsight is 20/20, and that we need to be more willing to put ourselves into the police’s shoes in the moment of the crisis.

All very valid points. I mean, this IS a fucked up world. Don’t believe me? Listen to one news broadcast or read one newspaper. Kidnappings, rapes, assaults, robberies. Violence has become our way of life. And yes, people still overwhelmingly believe that in moments of crisis, call the police.

But I counter-argued that unarmed kids like Mike Brown had his hands up, and was shot anyway. Tamir Rice was killed within seconds of police arrival. The deaths, no… the MURDERS, that have people enraged and protesting have unacceptable similarities: there is no weapon in the dead citizen’s hands, the dead citizen is disproportionately Black, and there is NO ACCOUNTABILITY for their murderers.

As a white woman, I will never know what it’s like to be a Black Man. I will never understand how it feels to be a Black Woman. I will never know how it feels to have this intrinsic feeling that just by existing, I am predisposed to being followed, suspicious, or having people follow me around in the store because they’re sure I am going to steal something. When I go down into the subway with a backpack on my back, I don’t get nervous when I see police with tables set up, fearful that they are going to target me because of the color of my skin. I don’t have to counsel my nephews about how to act, what to say and what to do if they are stopped by police walking down the street with their friends. And although I will never know what that’s like, because all these things are realities for Black men and women every day of their lives, I can try to identify by imagining what it’s like; by listening to their testimony of incidents they have lived through; and my opening my eyes and being aware of what’s happening around me.

So I counter-argued to my friend that one of the things he was not taking into account was that growing up, we learned about Officer Friendly, the cop who was there to protect us. We learned that police were our friends, that we could trust them, and that they wouldn’t harm us. Officer Friendly is not who Black children meet. They meet Officer Enemy. Officer Enemy is called to help, but when he arrives, assaults, beats, and arrests the person he was called to help. It’s a very different relationship, and both sides see the other as enemy.

My next question to him, he says, hurt him. I asked him to consider how he would feel if dead body after dead body of the unarmed citizens, instead of being Black boys and men, belonged to LGBTQ individuals, and that they were targeted because of their orientation/identification the way Black men and boys were targeted because of the color of their skin. He was offended by my question, saying being gay has nothing to do with it. He is a person first and foremost, after all.

That my friend, I replied, is my point. You want the world to see you as a Man. Not as a gay Man. But as a human being. Because you’re white, you get your wish. People can’t look at you and see your sexual orientation. But how many people change the way they speak to you, how they deal with you, once they find out you’re gay as compared to when they thought you were straight? How many times have you heard “Hey, you’re all right for a gay guy”? That’s just one more luxury that Black boys, girls, men and women don’t have. They are seen for their skin first, and everything else second.

He dismissed my argument in its entirety, which is his right. I have not wavered in my position, and so far, neither has he. But when I shared this article with him (http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20150629/west-village/gay-activists-zero-on-police-encounters-as-next-step-rights-fight), pointing out that unfair treatment by police is identified as a next step in achieving equality for the LGBTQ segments of society, and reminded him of our past conversation, I received silence in response.

In the end, I say this: no one is obligated to share my views and opinions on anything. All I ask is that when deciding how YOU feel about someone or something; try to find a way to relate to the opposition before dismissing them. It’s easy to dismiss something we do not understand, or do not relate to. It doesn’t mean we can’t find common ground, or that we cannot empathize. In a split second, the whole shit can change and we can find ourselves as the outsiders. Wouldn’t we want people to stand up for us and our rights too?