The Clippers' Silent Support of Donald Sterling

Friday night, April 26^th, I had the pleasure to see the film NOTHING BUT A MAN, a film originally released 50 years ago, directed by Jewish Holocaust survivor Michael Roemer, depicting what he saw as the Black experience in 1950s-60s America.

Saturday, April 27^th, sports news was dominated by the racially-charged recording between LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling (white) and his girlfriend (mixed Black and Mexican). The recording was offensive, no doubt. But I am pretty outraged at the reaction of the Clippers players and many of the NBA Talking Heads.

In a press conference with Doc Rivers, he was asked and answered as follows:

Q: Did you consider boycotting the game?
A: “We’re playing. We’re playing Golden State, and Golden State is our enemy right now. … We heard about all of the boycotts and all of the other stuff. That’s all stuff we could do. We choose to play. … The biggest statement we can make as men – not as black men, but as men – is to stick together and show how strong we are as a group. Not splinter. Not walk. It’s easy to protest. The protest will show in our play.”

Mr. Rivers, you are wrong. The easy thing to do is to play the game and take this jerk one step closer to a Championship. I understand as a pro athlete, the Championship is why they play. But this is bigger than a Game, the 1^st round of the playoffs, a Ring and/or a Trophy. For decades, people have sacrificed and suffered and too many have laid down their lives so that Black players could even be invited to play in the NBA.

Listening to Shaq, Charles Barkley and Kenny Anderson on TNT, all were understandably outraged. All called for an immediate suspension and fine by NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. But when the idea of a player boycott was raised? All of them put on the brakes. Barkley opined that the players shouldn’t have to pay because the owner was a “jackass”.

During the Civil Rights era, and the decades before and since, so many nameless people suffered and sacrificed in order to stand up for equality. They lost jobs, their homes, in many cases, lost their lives. But we can’t ask a group of MILLIONAIRE basketball players to sacrifice? Really? If those 12 players banded together and chose to not show up for the game (even better, if the 12 Clippers players and the 12 Warriors players refused to play the game), the message that would be sent would be louder and clearer than anything we anonymous but outraged folks could hope to send.

But no… we can’t ask those players to sacrifice. We can ask the fans to sacrifice and stay away from the games. But we can’t ask the players to sacrifice. Playing the game is tantamount to silently supporting Sterling’s words and actions. THAT is unacceptable.

Spitting on Black History

I don't know if I'm necessarily "allowed" to have ask the (forthcoming) question or not. After all, this is a "black" issue and I'm a white girl. And when white folks are brought into the discussion... well, it's usually not a good thing. What's the issue? The N word.

Me, myself? I hate the word and everything it means. I don't care if it's pronounced with an "er" at the end of it, or an "a". I don't care what color the person is who says it... although to be fair, I won't admonish a black person for saying it because, quite honestly, I don't believe a white person can tell a black person not to say it. Let's be real about that. I wish I had a superpower that would allow me to eradicate it from everyone's vocabulary. Whatever context it's ever used in, there are better alternatives available.

The word is always at or near the forefront of conversation. But it seems to me, over the last several months, it's simply everywhere. It's a part of the conversation in entertainment, thanks to movies like The Butler, Fruitvale Station, and 12 Years a Slave. It's a part of the conversation in sports, thanks to Matt Barnes' recent tweet using the "a" version of the word, the Richie Incognito/Jonathan Martin fiasco in Miami, Riley Cooper's rant caught on videotape before the 2013-14 season started and the Trent Williams/Roy Ellison incident. And it's always a part of the conversation in police/community relations.

When the use of the N word comes up in conversations, many will say something to the effect that black people use the word all the time, so what's the big deal? And I have already confessed that if a black person uses the word in my presence, I won't say anything. And maybe I really don't have the right to ask this question. But I am going to ask any way... Why do black people use this word?

The word is ugly. It was meant to make slaves feel less than... meant to belittle, marginalize, shame. It was used in hatred. And I understand that when it is spoken by a white person, at a black person, it conjures up a different feeling than when used between black people with each other. I have black friends who use the word... frequently... as a term of endearment. But are you really, really telling me that people cannot think of other endearing words that could be used among friends, family and loved ones?

When you think about what slaves had to endure... the struggle for freedom... the continued struggle for rights and protections that still continue today... when you really think about the ugly, cruel, hateful meaning that word has in this nation... I can't help but think that every time that word is uttered among black folks to and at each other, that is spitting on the legacy and struggles of the ones who had to fight and bleed and die.

Crying Rape?

Ex-NFL player and current on-air personality at NFL Network, Darren Sharper has been arrested for two incidents of sexual assault in Los Angeles in October 2013 and January 2014.  In addition, he is being investigated for sexual assault that allegedly occurred in New Orleans in September 2013.

There are no details about the women who have made these allegations. But I don’t need to know the details to see some concerns. The accused is a black man, a professional athlete with some money and fame. He has a public life, a good looking guy, with women everywhere who are more than willing to do whatever it is that gets him off.

But, rape isn’t a crime about sex. It’s a crime about power and privilege. Prisons are filled with sex offenders who, at first glance, are attractive and “good catches”. Often times, these men are used to getting whatever they want, from whoever they want.

I have a friend who is a New Orleans Saints fan. The years that Sharper played there, and still today, she has a little crush on him. Her reaction to the news of the arrest was not a surprise, and is probably quite common. She said, in no uncertain terms, that she will believe this woman was assaulted if she does NOT settle out-of-court for money. Wow.

Anyone who has been assaulted will tell you that reporting the assault and everything afterwards is almost worse than the assault itself. A woman’s sexual history, fashion sense, relationship choices, personality and behaviors (does she drink? ever smoke anything? did she flirt? etc.) are examined over and over and over. HIS past behavior is off limits… hers will be on full display. Rape is one of the hardest, if not the hardest crime to prosecute successfully. Even with DNA evidence, it often boils down to he-said-she-said.

It’s a no-win situation for all parties involved. If they do not prosecute him, it’s inevitable that the accuser(s) file civil actions. When they do, the general public will assume they are liars and they are after the money. If they do prosecute and he’s acquitted, people will still always wonder if he did it. He will always have the allegation of being a rapist hanging over his head. And the accuser(s) will probably file civil actions under these circumstances too. And of course if he’s convicted, he goes to prison, has to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life, and she has to live with the rape for the rest of hers.  Honestly, I will be shocked if there’s an actual trial on the two rape charges in LA, and if anything transpires from the investigation in New Orleans. I predict this will end up in civil court and that there will be settlements reached.

But why believe the women are lying if they settle, and not believe he’s the liar? I mean, if it was me being accused of sexual assault, and I have the money to hire proper legal representation, I am going to court. I am taking the risk that I will lose, but no matter what the outcome of the civil action, I can always stand tall and say “Hey! I didn’t do it, and I went to court to prove it!” By settling, doesn’t he kind of admit that he’d rather pay whatever the settlement is, than have his dirty laundry aired in public? She’s willing to let it all out by bringing the civil action, so him settling… doesn’t that make him the “bad guy” and not her?

Regardless, every false report of a sexual assault makes it just that much harder for the next woman who really is assaulted to report. And while I do not wish for any woman to have been raped, I hope these women are not just “crying rape”.

The Exploitation of a 2 year old's murder

The New York Post is about the last resource I would ever use or recommend for actual news or fact-based reporting. But even I am shocked and disgusted at the opinion piece written by Phil Mushnick and published by the Post.  Maybe not SO shocked, after seeing his picture and seeing he's an old white guy.

Here's the link to his ridiculous opinion piece: http://nypost.com/2013/10/13/sons-death-doesnt-make-adrian-peterson-a-great-person/

And honestly, I don't know where to start. Ironically, the tragic murder of Adrian Peterson's son occurred during National Domestic Violence month. Mushnick alleges a bunch of things, only one of which has any semblance of truth: just because Peterson is a great football player doesn't mean he's a great player. That's true!! Millions of people in this world are great at a whole host of things, and are terrible people. There's millions of people who are adequate or even less-than-adequate at what they do, but are GREAT people. No one ever said being good at one's job and being a good person are a package deal.

Truth is that celebrities are judged based on their public persona. Whether it's an athlete or an actor or a singer or a politician, we assume people are how they are portrayed in the media.

The first half of Mushnick's rant is really quite stupid. Apparently, doing charity work is not special, he speeds even though his brother was killed due to a reckless driver, and he and some friends got into a bit of trouble when they didn't leave a club right at 2 AM. Petty and stupid.

But it's the rest of the opinion piece that is disturbing. Mushnick makes a negative reference to the fact that the mother of this baby was Peterson's "baby mama". I guess if she was referred to as an ex-girlfriend, it would make it all ok?

Mushnick also judges Peterson for playing football, just a couple days after the death of his son, saying he (Peterson) should be angry and take a day or two or a whole week off to grieve.

Hmmmm. I am, and will always be, a Packers fan. I will never EVER forget the Monday night game between the Packers and the Oakland Raiders the day after Brett Favre lost his father to a heart attack. Torrey Smith played just hours after his baby brother was killed in a motorcycle accident. Peterson chose to play after the death of his son.

Everyone is different, and how people grieve differs from person to person. Professional athletes have often talked about how playing their sport gives them some respite from their personal pain. It offers them a small window of time where they can focus on something else. We can't give this man 3 hours to maybe escape what is undoubtedly one of the absolute worst pains any person could ever experience? Does anyone DISAGREE that it's unnatural for a parent to bury their child?

Next, Mushnick takes the deplorable position that this is Peterson's fault, albeit indirectly. After all, he's got millions of dollars and surely could have made sure that his son was not allowed to be in a dangerous environment. He must not have cared that his ex had moved herself and their son in with a violent man. Apparently, Peterson had the opportunity (thanks to his $96 million contract) to provide a safe home for his son and chose not to.

Such harsh judgment from this Mushnick guy... when reports are that it was only 3 months ago that Peterson was even told about the existence of this boy. I don't know what happened in these past three months. I don't know if it's even true. Maybe he knew about this kid all along. Maybe he did fail his son. Maybe.... maybe not. Who am I to judge? And who is this Mushnick guy to judge?

Bottom line is the tone, the words of this piece are clearly racist. What "we" are to take away from this piece is that at the end of the day, Adrian Peterson is just another wealthy, professional black athlete with baby mamas and babies out there that he can't be bothered to support or protect. And how dare we, the rest of the world, extend our condolences.

I am ashamed of this "writer" and disgusted by this so-called newspaper. The bottom line, IMO, is that we have a 2 year old boy who was beaten to death. That's really all that matters, and I will not take back the compassion and sympathies extended not only to Adrian Peterson, but to everyone who knew and loved this little boy. I will not minimize whatever feelings Peterson may be feeling... they are his and his alone, and he has the right to them. And I will not judge Peterson, or his ex, or even Joseph Patterson.

I judge, and judge harshly, Phil Mushnick and the New York Post.

damaged goods

his soft touch
felt only once or twice
his arms draped over me
our legs intertwined
falling asleep
waking up
happiness
even if it was only for a moment
the touch that was so soft
the hand that held me
kept me protected
in just a moment changed
what once comforted me now hurt me
the lips that kissed me now turned away
the touch that comforted me now pushed me away
but only for a moment
he didn't want me but wouldn't free me
i loved him
i needed his love
he fucked me
he used me
he hurt me
i longed for his lips
he gave me his fist
he would not look at me
would not touch me\
would not hold me
would not protect me
but he would fuck me
i went from being his queen to being his bitch
i was stupid... he told me so
i was useless... he told me so
there was nothing about me worth of love
and when he was finished with me
when he had tired of his toy
i was left alone, ruined, beyond salvation
and i remain
damaged goods

KILL KILL KILL!!!

Today World Day Against the Death Penalty Day. In my younger years, I was a proponent for the Death Penalty under very specific, rigid circumstances: Murder with Special Circumstance (typically when the victim had been raped, tortured, etc.); the murder of a child; Pre-meditated murder; and/or multiple murders. In my opinion, people who committed these kinds of crimes were irredeemable. Justice, in my opinion, could only be gotten in the moment that the killer himself (or herself) stopped breathing.

As I’ve gotten older, I see more clearly. Don’t get me wrong. At my core, killers as described above, as a whole, are not first in line to receive my compassion. But I’ve also had to accept that our justice system isn’t always so just. Innocent people are convicted of heinous crimes… including the crimes I consider most egregious.  In the always-changing world of science and biological evidence, people who had what was a clear cut case against them are being exonerated of terrible crimes.  People who have spent years, sometimes decades, in prison on a wrongful conviction are set free.  But people who were convicted and given a death sentence, and had that sentence carried out… well, you can release a man or woman from prison, but you can’t unkill the dead.

Separate from the whole can’t-unkill-the-dead rationale is what I consider a more humanistic rationale behind my current stance against the death penalty.  Statistics speak for themselves (see http://www.statisticbrain.com/death-penalty-statistics/) , and prove that the death penalty is a racist penalty.  On its face, the death penalty appears to be more often applied to white criminals than black (56% white as compared to 35% black), however if you look at criminal statistics, the number of black men and women in prison is disproportionate.  Therefore, a higher percentage of a lower number is still going to be lower than a lower percentage of a much higher number.  But the glaring statistic is that only 15% of murder victims, whose killer receives the death penalty, are black, whereas 76% of the victims in a death penalty case are white.  This policy declares, with no uncertainty, that a white life is more valuable than a black life… which is bullshit. ALL LIFE HAS VALUE.

Then there are the 130 people who have been released from death row with evidence of innocence. Evidence. Of. Innocence. My God! How many had their evidence of innocence brought to light too late? Immediately, my mind goes to cases such as Troy Davis, and George Stinney Jr.  And regardless of race, death penalty convictions, when delved into, are mostly assessed in cases where the person convicted of the crime is poor and has inadequate representation. No… this sentence is not carried out fairly or judiciously.

And all of that aside… I go back to two of my original statements: in my opinion, these criminals were irredeemable and all life has value. Who am I to judge, who is and is not redeemable? People can change. We see proof of that every day.  Who’s to say that even a person who is capable of torture or murder cannot change? That he cannot repent and find God, or Allah, or whatever saving grace speaks to him or her? And if all life has value, doesn’t that include these people too?

The death penalty is the ultimate “eye for an eye” carriage of justice. But it’s not an eye we’re taking. It’s a life… a human life… someone’s child, or husband, or wife, or father, or mother, or sister, or brother. The answer cannot be more death. We must put the energy and money currently assigned to maintaining and expanding the death penalty, and redirect them to overhauling the prison system and investing in real rehabilitation efforts.  Hate and fear will only lead us further into darkness. We must be the light.

Drunk driving, part 1

I sit here today humbled, thankful, and ashamed. Much of my 20s was spent the same as most other 20-somethings living in Green Bay, WI… out in the bars with my friends, drinking, laughing, having fun. And no, there’s really nothing humbling or shameful there. Yeah, I can say that I wish I had spent more time, energy and effort on my college classes, working, preparing for my future, etc. But to be completely honest, I have some of the GREATEST friends in the world and would not change a thing (almost), because that might mean they would not have the place in my life and in my heart that they do.

Here’s the one thing I would change, if I had the power to… and what I am so ashamed of: I would not have played Russian roulette with my life, my friends’ lives and the lives of all the complete strangers who happened to be on the road at the same times that I was stupidly and selfishly driving drunk.

I am lucky beyond belief that I didn’t wind up arrested for drunk driving or with my car wrapped around a tree or telephone pole. But it is only by the grace of God Himself that I didn’t kill myself or another innocent person because of my incredibly stupid behavior.

I can remember driving home, with one hand covering one eye so that I didn’t see “so many” lines separating the lanes of traffic. I remember wondering how I got on an 8-lane highway because of all the oncoming headlights I could count. (In reality, I was on a 4-lane road… 2 lanes in each direction). I knew every night that I should not be driving, but I was stupid and I did it anyway.

Today, I hardly ever drive. Please… this is NYC. There’s really no reason for me to drive. But when I go home to visit, or go on vacation, I drive. And I still indulge in a delicious adult beverage on occasion, both here at home in NYC or abroad. And yeah… sometimes I overindulge but those occasions are few and far between. But when I am home and meeting up with friends and family… if I’m driving, I’m not drinking. And if I’m drinking, I have a designated driver. I fully recognize that by all rights, I could have easily been killed in a drunk driving accident literally thousands of times. Do the math… out 5-7 nights a week for the better part of a decade. Like I said earlier... only by the grace of God.

What started me down this path today was finding out that my 22-year old nephew lost a good friend last night to a drunk driver. A drunk man driving south in a northbound lane struck the car my nephew’s friend (Kristian Reed, 21 years old) was driving.  Kristian died at the scene. In total, 4 cars were involved in the accident. Just the one fatality. But one is too many.

How easily that could have been me… causing someone else’s death way too soon. Causing injury to other people who had the bad luck to be on the road the same as me; taking a loved one away from his or her family and friends. Ending all the dreams he or she had… and the ones his or her parents had for them.

I think about how lucky I was/am every time I hear about a drunk driving incident. Today’s report just hit home because it affected someone I love.

I do not… cannot… sit in judgment of the man who was driving south in that northbound lane. He will have to live with the knowledge that his actions resulted in one death, multiple injuries and the destruction of countless lives. Instead, my prayers are out for everyone mourning the loss of young Kristian, for the recovery of all injured in the accident, and for strength and courage to the driver.