The Exploitation of a 2 year old's murder

The New York Post is about the last resource I would ever use or recommend for actual news or fact-based reporting. But even I am shocked and disgusted at the opinion piece written by Phil Mushnick and published by the Post.  Maybe not SO shocked, after seeing his picture and seeing he's an old white guy.

Here's the link to his ridiculous opinion piece: http://nypost.com/2013/10/13/sons-death-doesnt-make-adrian-peterson-a-great-person/

And honestly, I don't know where to start. Ironically, the tragic murder of Adrian Peterson's son occurred during National Domestic Violence month. Mushnick alleges a bunch of things, only one of which has any semblance of truth: just because Peterson is a great football player doesn't mean he's a great player. That's true!! Millions of people in this world are great at a whole host of things, and are terrible people. There's millions of people who are adequate or even less-than-adequate at what they do, but are GREAT people. No one ever said being good at one's job and being a good person are a package deal.

Truth is that celebrities are judged based on their public persona. Whether it's an athlete or an actor or a singer or a politician, we assume people are how they are portrayed in the media.

The first half of Mushnick's rant is really quite stupid. Apparently, doing charity work is not special, he speeds even though his brother was killed due to a reckless driver, and he and some friends got into a bit of trouble when they didn't leave a club right at 2 AM. Petty and stupid.

But it's the rest of the opinion piece that is disturbing. Mushnick makes a negative reference to the fact that the mother of this baby was Peterson's "baby mama". I guess if she was referred to as an ex-girlfriend, it would make it all ok?

Mushnick also judges Peterson for playing football, just a couple days after the death of his son, saying he (Peterson) should be angry and take a day or two or a whole week off to grieve.

Hmmmm. I am, and will always be, a Packers fan. I will never EVER forget the Monday night game between the Packers and the Oakland Raiders the day after Brett Favre lost his father to a heart attack. Torrey Smith played just hours after his baby brother was killed in a motorcycle accident. Peterson chose to play after the death of his son.

Everyone is different, and how people grieve differs from person to person. Professional athletes have often talked about how playing their sport gives them some respite from their personal pain. It offers them a small window of time where they can focus on something else. We can't give this man 3 hours to maybe escape what is undoubtedly one of the absolute worst pains any person could ever experience? Does anyone DISAGREE that it's unnatural for a parent to bury their child?

Next, Mushnick takes the deplorable position that this is Peterson's fault, albeit indirectly. After all, he's got millions of dollars and surely could have made sure that his son was not allowed to be in a dangerous environment. He must not have cared that his ex had moved herself and their son in with a violent man. Apparently, Peterson had the opportunity (thanks to his $96 million contract) to provide a safe home for his son and chose not to.

Such harsh judgment from this Mushnick guy... when reports are that it was only 3 months ago that Peterson was even told about the existence of this boy. I don't know what happened in these past three months. I don't know if it's even true. Maybe he knew about this kid all along. Maybe he did fail his son. Maybe.... maybe not. Who am I to judge? And who is this Mushnick guy to judge?

Bottom line is the tone, the words of this piece are clearly racist. What "we" are to take away from this piece is that at the end of the day, Adrian Peterson is just another wealthy, professional black athlete with baby mamas and babies out there that he can't be bothered to support or protect. And how dare we, the rest of the world, extend our condolences.

I am ashamed of this "writer" and disgusted by this so-called newspaper. The bottom line, IMO, is that we have a 2 year old boy who was beaten to death. That's really all that matters, and I will not take back the compassion and sympathies extended not only to Adrian Peterson, but to everyone who knew and loved this little boy. I will not minimize whatever feelings Peterson may be feeling... they are his and his alone, and he has the right to them. And I will not judge Peterson, or his ex, or even Joseph Patterson.

I judge, and judge harshly, Phil Mushnick and the New York Post.

damaged goods

his soft touch
felt only once or twice
his arms draped over me
our legs intertwined
falling asleep
waking up
happiness
even if it was only for a moment
the touch that was so soft
the hand that held me
kept me protected
in just a moment changed
what once comforted me now hurt me
the lips that kissed me now turned away
the touch that comforted me now pushed me away
but only for a moment
he didn't want me but wouldn't free me
i loved him
i needed his love
he fucked me
he used me
he hurt me
i longed for his lips
he gave me his fist
he would not look at me
would not touch me\
would not hold me
would not protect me
but he would fuck me
i went from being his queen to being his bitch
i was stupid... he told me so
i was useless... he told me so
there was nothing about me worth of love
and when he was finished with me
when he had tired of his toy
i was left alone, ruined, beyond salvation
and i remain
damaged goods

KILL KILL KILL!!!

Today World Day Against the Death Penalty Day. In my younger years, I was a proponent for the Death Penalty under very specific, rigid circumstances: Murder with Special Circumstance (typically when the victim had been raped, tortured, etc.); the murder of a child; Pre-meditated murder; and/or multiple murders. In my opinion, people who committed these kinds of crimes were irredeemable. Justice, in my opinion, could only be gotten in the moment that the killer himself (or herself) stopped breathing.

As I’ve gotten older, I see more clearly. Don’t get me wrong. At my core, killers as described above, as a whole, are not first in line to receive my compassion. But I’ve also had to accept that our justice system isn’t always so just. Innocent people are convicted of heinous crimes… including the crimes I consider most egregious.  In the always-changing world of science and biological evidence, people who had what was a clear cut case against them are being exonerated of terrible crimes.  People who have spent years, sometimes decades, in prison on a wrongful conviction are set free.  But people who were convicted and given a death sentence, and had that sentence carried out… well, you can release a man or woman from prison, but you can’t unkill the dead.

Separate from the whole can’t-unkill-the-dead rationale is what I consider a more humanistic rationale behind my current stance against the death penalty.  Statistics speak for themselves (see http://www.statisticbrain.com/death-penalty-statistics/) , and prove that the death penalty is a racist penalty.  On its face, the death penalty appears to be more often applied to white criminals than black (56% white as compared to 35% black), however if you look at criminal statistics, the number of black men and women in prison is disproportionate.  Therefore, a higher percentage of a lower number is still going to be lower than a lower percentage of a much higher number.  But the glaring statistic is that only 15% of murder victims, whose killer receives the death penalty, are black, whereas 76% of the victims in a death penalty case are white.  This policy declares, with no uncertainty, that a white life is more valuable than a black life… which is bullshit. ALL LIFE HAS VALUE.

Then there are the 130 people who have been released from death row with evidence of innocence. Evidence. Of. Innocence. My God! How many had their evidence of innocence brought to light too late? Immediately, my mind goes to cases such as Troy Davis, and George Stinney Jr.  And regardless of race, death penalty convictions, when delved into, are mostly assessed in cases where the person convicted of the crime is poor and has inadequate representation. No… this sentence is not carried out fairly or judiciously.

And all of that aside… I go back to two of my original statements: in my opinion, these criminals were irredeemable and all life has value. Who am I to judge, who is and is not redeemable? People can change. We see proof of that every day.  Who’s to say that even a person who is capable of torture or murder cannot change? That he cannot repent and find God, or Allah, or whatever saving grace speaks to him or her? And if all life has value, doesn’t that include these people too?

The death penalty is the ultimate “eye for an eye” carriage of justice. But it’s not an eye we’re taking. It’s a life… a human life… someone’s child, or husband, or wife, or father, or mother, or sister, or brother. The answer cannot be more death. We must put the energy and money currently assigned to maintaining and expanding the death penalty, and redirect them to overhauling the prison system and investing in real rehabilitation efforts.  Hate and fear will only lead us further into darkness. We must be the light.

Drunk driving, part 1

I sit here today humbled, thankful, and ashamed. Much of my 20s was spent the same as most other 20-somethings living in Green Bay, WI… out in the bars with my friends, drinking, laughing, having fun. And no, there’s really nothing humbling or shameful there. Yeah, I can say that I wish I had spent more time, energy and effort on my college classes, working, preparing for my future, etc. But to be completely honest, I have some of the GREATEST friends in the world and would not change a thing (almost), because that might mean they would not have the place in my life and in my heart that they do.

Here’s the one thing I would change, if I had the power to… and what I am so ashamed of: I would not have played Russian roulette with my life, my friends’ lives and the lives of all the complete strangers who happened to be on the road at the same times that I was stupidly and selfishly driving drunk.

I am lucky beyond belief that I didn’t wind up arrested for drunk driving or with my car wrapped around a tree or telephone pole. But it is only by the grace of God Himself that I didn’t kill myself or another innocent person because of my incredibly stupid behavior.

I can remember driving home, with one hand covering one eye so that I didn’t see “so many” lines separating the lanes of traffic. I remember wondering how I got on an 8-lane highway because of all the oncoming headlights I could count. (In reality, I was on a 4-lane road… 2 lanes in each direction). I knew every night that I should not be driving, but I was stupid and I did it anyway.

Today, I hardly ever drive. Please… this is NYC. There’s really no reason for me to drive. But when I go home to visit, or go on vacation, I drive. And I still indulge in a delicious adult beverage on occasion, both here at home in NYC or abroad. And yeah… sometimes I overindulge but those occasions are few and far between. But when I am home and meeting up with friends and family… if I’m driving, I’m not drinking. And if I’m drinking, I have a designated driver. I fully recognize that by all rights, I could have easily been killed in a drunk driving accident literally thousands of times. Do the math… out 5-7 nights a week for the better part of a decade. Like I said earlier... only by the grace of God.

What started me down this path today was finding out that my 22-year old nephew lost a good friend last night to a drunk driver. A drunk man driving south in a northbound lane struck the car my nephew’s friend (Kristian Reed, 21 years old) was driving.  Kristian died at the scene. In total, 4 cars were involved in the accident. Just the one fatality. But one is too many.

How easily that could have been me… causing someone else’s death way too soon. Causing injury to other people who had the bad luck to be on the road the same as me; taking a loved one away from his or her family and friends. Ending all the dreams he or she had… and the ones his or her parents had for them.

I think about how lucky I was/am every time I hear about a drunk driving incident. Today’s report just hit home because it affected someone I love.

I do not… cannot… sit in judgment of the man who was driving south in that northbound lane. He will have to live with the knowledge that his actions resulted in one death, multiple injuries and the destruction of countless lives. Instead, my prayers are out for everyone mourning the loss of young Kristian, for the recovery of all injured in the accident, and for strength and courage to the driver.

An Open Letter to Young Women

Oh, young women. I remember. I remember being 18, 21, 25... the decisions I made... the choices I made. Some good, some bad. But they were mine, and I own them, good and bad. And I was the one who had to pay the price, and I was the one who had to deal with the consequences.

But we are in a different time and place now. The world is so different, and changing every minute of every day. The world is so much dangerous than it was when I was a young woman. You must be so much more mindful, careful... courageous!

I see young women on the streets, on the trains, in restaurants and at the movies. These women are girls, really... some as young as 13 and 14. Breasts exposed, skirts so short your butt cheeks are hanging out or  jeans so tight one can see e v e r y t h i n g. And the mouths on these ladies... WOW.

Now, I have a potty mouth, I admit freely. But even I am shocked at some of the things that come out of these ladies' mouths. Explain to me what would possess a 14 or 15 year old girl can tell someone else to "suck my dick". I am aghast.

These young women are flaunting their sexual promiscuity in the world's face, whether we want to know or not. They sleep with these boys (and men) without a second thought, treating their bodies with no respect. I'm not judging. I've been there, I've done that.

So I say to you ladies, please stop. Think. And then think again. You are young and beautiful and worthy of love and respect. Your body and your affection are the greatest gift you can give. Be choosy about who you give them to. Give them to someone who will gift you with love, respect and affection in return. Men will treat you the way you allow them to. And if you treat yourself with love and respect, you will demand that from everyone else invited into your life. You won't be a punching bag, or a booty call, or someone who is called when no one else is around.

Love yourself.

If I'm gonna be honest....

... my commitment to losing weight and getting healthy has been shit.

I've been doing lots of thinking and soul searching, but not acting. Not moving. I eat and I sleep and I despair and I kvetch. But I sit on my ample ass as it gets bigger and bigger and bigger.

Time to get serious. Time to stop hiding and pretending that I'm trying more than I am.

Kimani Gray

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I WASN'T THERE.

But I understand the reaction to what happened. 16-year-old Kimani “Kiki” Gray was shot and killed by police officers. By the police account, he was in a group of other teenagers and was acting suspiciously. When they left their car to approach him, he reached into his waistband and pulled out a gun. He raised the gun and pointed in the police officers’ direction. They pulled their weapons, discharged, and now this boy is dead.

Kimani is a black kid. Given the history of racial tensions not only by the NYPD but in this country, again, I understand the reaction. Being honest, I have to wonder 2 things from the start, though:

1.      If Kimani Gray was Ken Gray, white kid, would there be a protest? AND

2.      If it was Ken Gray, white kid… would the police have even tried to approach him, setting the string of events into motion?

The honest-to-God’s truth is that despite all of the “progress” we’ve made in the realm of race relations, people of color are still disproportionately profiled by law enforcement… especially young black males.  But that’s not the purpose of this blog. I’m writing about the Kimani Gray shooting and the subsequent protests, riots, and outpouring of anger.

Here's what we “know”:

·         Kimani has a criminal record that included grand larceny, possession of stolen property, breaking into a car, and rioting.

·         Kimani WAS ARMED.

Here’s what the police reported about the incident:

·         Plainclothes officers were undercover, in a vehicle in East Flatbush.

·         Kimani was one kid in a group of kids standing on a street corner. The kids noticed the officers, at which point Kimani “fidgeted” with his waistband, separated from the group, and began to act “suspiciously”. (This is the part where, if it was Ken the white kid instead of Kimani the black kid, I have to wonder IF the police would have tried to approach him.)

·         As the 2 undercovers tried to approach, Kimani pulled his gun and raised it, causing both officers to pull their weapons and discharge.

·         Kimani was struck ELEVEN times and was pronounced DOA at Kings County Hospital.

Again, I understand the anger and frustration. I feel it too! We, as a society, are burying too many of our children because of violence. We cry over their graves… lament about the lives they will never get to live. And we should.

But what do you think would have happened if that incident played out differently. Let’s say, for just a moment, these officers had hesitated before drawing and discharging their weapon. In that moment, Kimani raised his weapon, pointed and shot, killing one or both of these officers. How many “suspicious-acting” young black men would have been killed by police in the aftermath, as they hunted for the cop-killer?

And let’s be honest. This kid has a criminal record and a gun. No, that should not equate to a death sentence, but he is not the sweet, innocent little angel that people are trying to make him out to be. Was this “murder”? Maybe… that has yet to be determined.

Which brings me to another factor that makes it impossible for us to ever really know the truth. The NYPD cannot investigate itself. No law enforcement agency can! The results of such “independent” investigations is always the same: it was a good shooting. The cops never do anything wrong.

Really? How convenient! There needs to be a true independent investigation comprised of a team of individuals that serve the entire nation. The best of the best. A random drawing of a number of investigators from every corner of the country who are assigned to wherever the shooting occurs. THEY investigate independently and submit their findings.  Every team is different to keep things on the up-and-up. Now, can they investigate EVERY shooting? Of course not. There’s too many police departments and shootings. But I think we can start with some of the higher-profile places: NYPD, Miami, LAPD, Chicago, and Washington DC, to name a few. And limit the scope to fatal shootings. Teams of 5-7 investigators who maybe never worked together before, and may never work together again. No alliances. Can’t investigate in the same city on consecutive shootings. Can’t investigate your home-based departments. Let’s REALLY find out what’s happening in these incidents. We cannot keep sacrificing our citizens, regardless of race, age, gender, orientation, financial status. We just cannot keep sacrificing folks.

Perhaps if we can build some confidence and trust in the investigative process and findings, we can avoid the rush to judgment on these cases.  Here's a sampling of what I've seen on Twitter and Facebook:

·         In aftermath of police shootings, it's common to slander victim w/ racialized terms. He's 'gang member' w/ 'criminal history'.

·         16 year old murdered

·         police are paid to protect our kids, not kill our kids

·         I don’t care what you say, he won’t be able to rob (or worse) me or anyone I know or care about.

·         Live by the gun, die by the gun

Gang member does immediately make one assume the person in question is a person of color, but criminal history does not. (And really, to call it slander would mean that police alleged a criminal history when there was none. This kid HAS a criminal record. It’s not slander. It might be irrelevant to the situation, but it is not slander.)

We don’t know if it was murder. He was killed… but murder carries and entirely different meaning than murder. And the police are paid to protect and serve the citizenry. They are not babysitters! And again, this is a kid with a criminal history walking around carrying a concealed weapon. By approaching him, if he was acting suspiciously… weren’t the police doing their job?

At the same time, just because this kid has a record, we can’t just write him off as a career criminal escalating in the severity of his crimes. We cannot keep the old adage of “live by the gun, die by the gun”. We have to do better and want better for ourselves and our children.

SO… at the end of the day, do I understand the protesting? Yes, I do. And I understand the demand to know what happened, and to get justice for this kid if it was not a clean shoot. But we have to find plausible solutions if we are going to fix this problem.

A better investigative system is certainly needed. But we (meaning the NYPD) also need to find a way to not pump a ridiculous number of bullets into people.  ELEVEN bullets hit this kid… I don’t know how many rounds were fired. I think back to the cases of dead black men, at the hands of the NYPD, like Sean Bell (50 shots, hit 4 times) and Amadou Diallo (41 shots, hit 19 times). It’s simply unacceptable.

THIS DESERVES AND REQUIRES ANGER, FRUSTRATION, AND A DEMAND FOR CHANGE. There has to be a better option. Stun guns. Beanbag pistols. Better accuracy! If a 16 year old boy seems to be reaching for a gun, and the police officer on the scene is in a position where additional force is required, can’t he shoot for the shoulder? the knee? perhaps the hand or arm? Why is everything a head/neck shot?

I am curious though… why was this kid carrying a concealed weapon? Doesn’t anyone who’s protesting and crying out that Kimani is a “victim” care about that??

Rest in Peace, Kimani. No matter what, your life had value and the world will forever be different and altered because you are no longer with us.

Seattle didn't win. Stop it.

Everyone needs to stop the nonsensical over-praise of the Seattle Seahawks.

·         Am I saying they’re not a tough team? No.

·          Am I saying they didn’t deserve to make the playoffs? No.

·         Am I saying that Pete Carroll isn’t a good, possibly great, coach? No!

·         Do I think their defense is the best ever? Best in the league? Not necessarily, although their defense is hella tough!

·         Do I think Russell Wilson is overrated? Maybe a little bit right now. He has exceeded everyone’s expectations and has absolutely earned the right to be elevated into the same conversations as Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III. But he’s a rookie, and Pete Carroll has a lot of “college” plays that favor Wilson. As a football fan, I will love seeing Wilson develop over the next couple of years, and expect him to be in the top 10 QBs of the league for years to come.

But I think in this age of over-exposure of just about everything by the Media, they are creating a story more than a story actually developing.

Let’s be clear: in any NFL game (or any sporty competition, for that matter), it is each team’s or competitor’s responsibility to plan, prepare and execute to win the game. One team’s or competitor’s failure to do so should not diminish the accomplishment of the other’s.

However, when one team or competitor comes to play with their C game, the other team or competitor can’t be held up as David, who conquered Goliath.

If you watched the Seattle v Washington Wild Card playoff game, from the beginning, here’s what you would have witnessed:

1^st Quarter: an outright slaughter of Seattle in its entirety. The Redskins, led by RGIII, marched up and down the field at will. Seattle could not stop them… not even a little bit.

Let’s keep in mind that it was towards the end of the 1^st quarter when RGIII re-injured the knee running out of bounds. He limped noticeably back to the lineup, stood straight up and delivered his second TD pass, and then hobbled off. He was not the same from that point on.

In the 1^st quarter, Washington racked up 129 yards and 2 TDs. In the final 3 quarters, after the injury, Washington could muster only 74 yards. Was that because Seattle’s defense suddenly kicked in? Yes, quite honestly, it was. However, what none of the so-called experts seem to want to talk about is that it’s easy to “kick in” when you have an immobile QB playing on the other team. It was obvious that RGIII was unable to move in or out of the pocket, could not get comfortable when throwing the ball, and couldn’t even consider running. It doesn’t matter how big, fast or strong your opponent is when he’s got but one leg.

EVEN WITH RGIII’s inability to function in the Redskins’ offense, still the Seahawk’s offense could not effectively move the ball.  Their most effective offensive strategy was wearing out the Redskins’ defense… which they did.  That’s how they were finally able to score the go-ahead TD.

And to further show the inefficiency of the Seahawk’s offense, on the play that finally put RGIII on the sidelines for the rest of the game, the Seahawks recovered a fumble at like the 3 yard line…. And again had to settle for a FG. That is NOT the makings of a legend.

Now, before anyone jumps up and down on my throat for speaking so terribly about these fairytale Seahawks, I am not saying that the Seahawks suck. They absolutely deserved to make the playoffs, and Mike Shanahan’s failure to do what was best for his star player and the team doesn’t diminish the Seahawks’ victory. All I am saying is that this drivel about how amazing Russell Wilson played and how staunch the Seahawks’ defense was… it needs to stop. Had RGIII not reinjured his knee, and if Shanahan would have put Kirk Cousins in for the entire 2^nd half, the outcome of that game would most likely have been different. Coming into the 2^nd half, the Skins still had their 1 point lead.  Kirk Cousins, at that point, goes in and there’s no need to alter from the game plan. He’s clearly a capable backup. He came in for the save when RGIII initially injured the knee, and led the Skins to a victory the following week.

If Cousins had been put into the game earlier, and if the Seahawks had pulled out the win, at least they could say they WON. As it stands, this was clearly a case where one team lost much more so than one team winning.

Right now, I am hoping that RGIII has not so seriously damaged his knee that his career is shortened, altered or (God forbid!) over.