So a few weeks ago, I got into a debate with a very good
friend of mine, who happens to be a gay man, over police brutality, the Black
Lives Matter movement, and my position of being
on the side of the people. I listened closely to his argument that this is an
increasingly fucked up world. Police are on the front lines, not knowing what
kind of situation they’re walking into and that we the people need to be more
aware of that. We the people need to not do anything that would make the police
concerned for their, and others around them, lives. He argued that hindsight is
20/20, and that we need to be more willing to put ourselves into the police’s
shoes in the moment of the crisis.
All very valid points. I mean, this IS a fucked up world.
Don’t believe me? Listen to one news broadcast or read one newspaper.
Kidnappings, rapes, assaults, robberies. Violence has become our way of life.
And yes, people still overwhelmingly believe that in moments of crisis, call
the police.
But I counter-argued that unarmed kids like Mike Brown had
his hands up, and was shot anyway. Tamir Rice was killed within seconds of
police arrival. The deaths, no… the MURDERS, that have people enraged and
protesting have unacceptable similarities: there is no weapon in the dead
citizen’s hands, the dead citizen is disproportionately Black, and there is NO
ACCOUNTABILITY for their murderers.
As a white woman, I will never know what it’s like to be a
Black Man. I will never understand how it feels to be a Black Woman. I will
never know how it feels to have this intrinsic feeling that just by existing, I
am predisposed to being followed, suspicious, or having people follow me around
in the store because they’re sure I am going to steal something. When I go down
into the subway with a backpack on my back, I don’t get nervous when I see
police with tables set up, fearful that they are going to target me because of
the color of my skin. I don’t have to counsel my nephews about how to act, what
to say and what to do if they are stopped by police walking down the street
with their friends. And although I will never know what that’s like, because
all these things are realities for Black men and women every day of their
lives, I can try to identify by imagining what it’s like; by listening to their
testimony of incidents they have lived through; and my opening my eyes and
being aware of what’s happening around me.
So I counter-argued to my friend that one of the things he
was not taking into account was that growing up, we learned about Officer
Friendly, the cop who was there to protect us. We learned that police were our
friends, that we could trust them, and that they wouldn’t harm us. Officer
Friendly is not who Black children meet. They meet Officer Enemy. Officer Enemy
is called to help, but when he arrives, assaults, beats, and arrests the person
he was called to help. It’s a very different relationship, and both sides see
the other as enemy.
My next question to him, he says, hurt him. I asked him to
consider how he would feel if dead body after dead body of the unarmed
citizens, instead of being Black boys and men, belonged to LGBTQ individuals,
and that they were targeted because of their orientation/identification the way
Black men and boys were targeted because of the color of their skin. He was offended
by my question, saying being gay has nothing to do with it. He is a person first
and foremost, after all.
That my friend, I replied, is my point. You want the world
to see you as a Man. Not as a gay Man. But as a human being. Because you’re white,
you get your wish. People can’t look at you and see your sexual orientation.
But how many people change the way they speak to you, how they deal with you,
once they find out you’re gay as compared to when they thought you were
straight? How many times have you heard “Hey, you’re all right for a gay guy”?
That’s just one more luxury that Black boys, girls, men and women don’t have.
They are seen for their skin first, and everything else second.
He dismissed my argument in its entirety, which is his
right. I have not wavered in my position, and so far, neither has he. But when
I shared this article with him (http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20150629/west-village/gay-activists-zero-on-police-encounters-as-next-step-rights-fight),
pointing out that unfair treatment by police is identified as a next step in
achieving equality for the LGBTQ segments of society, and reminded him of our
past conversation, I received silence in response.
In the end, I say this: no one is obligated to share my
views and opinions on anything. All I ask is that when deciding how YOU feel
about someone or something; try to find a way to relate to the opposition
before dismissing them. It’s easy to dismiss something we do not understand, or
do not relate to. It doesn’t mean we can’t find common ground, or that we
cannot empathize. In a split second, the whole shit can change and we can find
ourselves as the outsiders. Wouldn’t we want people to stand up for us and our
rights too?
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