Keeping shit real, my immediate
reaction was to dismiss Mr. Howard with a suck of my teeth, a flip of my hand
and the thought of “get over it” running through my mind. I mean, I live in NYC
too, and I walk the same streets he walks. I find people in general, of every
hue and gender and political affiliation and sexual orientation and age and race,
to be oblivious. Hand-holding couples and groups of 3, 4 or more people walking
down a sidewalk, side by side by side, who don’t move an inch for the foot
traffic coming from the opposite direction. Men AND women, of every age and hue.
And like Mr. Howard, I find myself being much more courteous to and
conscientious of other people when walking than they are to me. I will step to
the side, even if that means into the gutter of the street or into the dirt
patches surrounding a tree. Sometimes I even have to stop walking altogether,
step to the side for the oncoming assholes to pass, before I can continue on my
merry way.
And again, keeping it real, I
have days where I think “fuck it” and I plow right through the group of idiots,
tired of being the one who always has to concede. I know it’s childish and
rude, and since I happen to be Caucasian, if the people I’m plowing through are
people of color, I am positive that they think the clash occurred because I’m a
racist asshole. They probably don’t consider for a moment that it happened
because they are oblivious to common walking courtesy.
But I have to wonder if there’s
not a little extra sensitivity or heightened awareness on the part of Mr.
Howard when he encounters White women on the street, simply because in 10 years
of walking the streets of NYC, I find it nearly impossible to believe that ONLY
White women have failed to yield or redirect themselves when in his path.
I also immediately think of some
of my own experiences. When coming directly at another person from the opposite
direction, I try to make eye contact, to read body language because the
majority of time, both of us DO redirect ourselves somehow. Body language will
say if I should move to the left or the right, etc. But in those cases when the
other person either makes no indication that he or she is going to move or in
what direction, a decision has to be made. Either I stop, step off the path
entirely to let him or her pass, and then continue on my way or I say “fuck it”
because I have just as much right to that space as anyone.
But my consciousness of my
decision IS heightened when my path is crossing someone who’s Black. Not
because I am afraid of him or her, or worry that they’re going to do something
untoward. My heightened awareness is because I don’t want them to think that I am afraid of them. Let me
explain.
There’s tons of social research
that show that when a White woman is on an elevator and a Black man
(especially) or woman steps on, the White woman readjusts her body, tenses up,
tightens her grip on her pocketbook or will move her purse to the other side if
they’re standing on the side where her purse hangs, etc. I notice when things
like that happen. So when a single Black man or woman is walking toward me and
I make too much of an effort… will that make them think that I’m scared of them?
So maybe I should just continue on my path, not letting them deter me… but now
that also makes me a racist?
I recall an incident down in the
West Village, walking down one of the little side streets where the sidewalks
are narrow to begin with. Coming straight at me was a group of 3 women, 2 Black
and 1 Asian. They were, of course, walking side by side. As we approached, I
looked for clues as to which of them would hang back and on which side of the
sidewalk so that I could pass. Nothing. Not one of them was planning to move.
And it was one of those “fuck it” days so I kept walking too. One of the Black
women stepped back and to the side before rejoining her girlfriends in a
straight line, and I heard (I was clearly meant to hear) her say “white bitch”.
I kept it moving, not engaging and not caring. But it was a clear case where it
was assumed that I didn’t move because I was White. It didn’t occur to any of
them that other people have the right to walk there too.
BUT, then again, this country has
a real communication problem between races. It’s difficult and uncomfortable so
we often avoid it. As a direct result, whether it’s verbal or non-verbal, many
of us simply don’t know how to communicate with each other. We misinterpret the
meaning and intent of others, and instead of asking/clarifying the matter, we
take offense and get angry.
I did that at the beginning when
I dismissed Mr. Howard’s experiences. Because the truth is, I am sure there ARE
White women (others, too) who looked through him as if he wasn’t there and didn’t
matter because that’s how they feel. But I think there’s also the possibility
that some of those women were having “fuck it” days. I also think there’s a
good probability that it’s not only White women who didn’t adjust their
path and that based on his own life experiences, the actions of those women are
just more noticeable.
In the end, Mr. Howard has every
right to feel angry or frustrated. He doesn’t need me to validate his feelings,
but he shouldn’t have to have them dismissed either. Instead of people taking
offense to his experience and feeling defensive, I hope that this can open up
some dialogue about interracial perceptions. Mostly, since I will continue to walk
these NYC streets for the foreseeable future, I hope everyone takes this
opportunity to think about their own actions and behaviors, and that we can ALL
try a little harder to be a little more courteous.
